Burdened

I've had in my mind for several days that I wanted to post about Jessie's breakthrough in reading and how excited I am about that...I will...but at the moment my mind is completely overwhelmed with thoughts of other children with Down syndrome. Children that don't have a mother that thinks they are beautiful and smart.  They don't have a mother to kiss their toes, celebrate their birthday, and rejoice over every accomplishment..they don't have a mother at all.  This obsession that I now have all started a couple of months ago.  A family in our Down syndrome group had already adopted two boys with DS and were in the process of adopting two more, through Reece's Rainbow.  Our F.R.I.E.N.D.S. group gave $3,000. from our Buddy Walk proceeds to help with their international adoption of the 2 boys they are in process of adopting now.  Being a part of doing that...there truly aren't words to describe how good that felt.  The way all that came to be was a spiritual marker in my life, something I'll never forget.

Since talking to them and visiting the Reece's Rainbow website, I can not stop thinking about these children.  All day today (not only today) every time I looked at Jessie, with her round, full face and her chunky body, I kept thinking of children who were bony and thin and didn't have a mother to see about their every need.  I am sure it is the same for every mom that reads this, I give Jessie a full, appreciative inspection pretty much every day.  I love her slanted eyes, her round face, chubby fingers, her upper thighs we call ham hocks, the spacing of her toes, her shiny hair, her sense of humor, and the quirks that make her Jessie.  That's the abbreviated list!  I adore her, and constantly tell her she is pretty and smart and that I love her "the most" (it's a game we play).   Last night on Reece's Rainbow there was a child desperately needing a home, a family, she weighs 21 lbs. at 6 years old.  Every time I appreciate something (all throughout the day!) about Jessie, my mind automatically makes a comparison.  Jessie is funny and happy, this child is lonely. Jessie is chubby and healthy, this child is malnourished and lonely.  Jessie is busy and wants our attention, this child lies in a bed and doesn't walk yet at 6 years old.  I don't know what my part is in this yet, but my heart is heavy and it seems I'm on the verge of tears all the time.  It isn't really even this one particular child, but her weight made her stick in my mind.  There are tons of little cross eyed children; they need some glasses and maybe surgery.  The ones that have similar hair coloring and eyes as Jessie, or have strabismus (crossing eyes) or have that look that Jessie had before her heart was repaired...just can't get those precious babies out of my mind.

When our  FRIENDS group made the donation for the family in our group that is adopting, as wonderful as that felt, it is such a drop in the bucket.  I feel overwhelmed by the number of children's pictures that I looked at that don't have homes.  I want to ask every person I know, "Don't you want to adopt a kid with Down syndrome that really needs a home?"  I am praying for God to give me clarity about my part in all of this.  I know I will pray, I know we (my family) will give, I feel that FRIENDS will continue to give each year....I am not ready to give a voice to any of the other thoughts I've had...just praying.  I am asking God to give very clear direction and wisdom.

Tonight it feels really good to be able to share my burden and know that someone is listening, thank you. I know many of you reading already have a child with DS, and feel blessed by it, and feel that your plate is FULL.  I feel the same way, and wonder how people truly do it that have more than one of these little blessings.  If you're reading this and you DON"T yet have a kid with DS.... Don't you want to adopt a kid with Down syndrome? I'll help fundraise!!