I left Jessie at home with big brother and sister while I did all these things. Most of the time I try to take Jessie with me when I run such errands, because it gets her out of the house a bit (she gets to talk to a million strangers while out which makes her happy and slows me down!) and Jordan and Evan can get their school work done. One of two things happens when I leave her home with them on a school day. EITHER, she watches entirely too much t.v. OR they don't get their school work done for entertaining her. Either scenario leaves me feeling guilty. Even though it couldn't be helped the way things worked today, I told them they would have to finish their school work tomorrow :( Soon as I got home from those errands, I threw things in the freezer and ran out the door again, taking Jordan to a friend's house to work on Chemistry and ACT prep, leaving Jessie home with Evan another couple hours. The time between dropping her off and picking her back up left me with not really enough time to warrant driving all the way back to Headland, so I decided to run through a car wash, vacuum the van and get a few things at Walmart before picking Jordan back up.
While Jessie has had diarrhea, I have had to keep a towel under her wherever she sits or sleeps; she has had many accidents as she doesn't realize it in time to make it to the potty. I have been constantly washing the clothes and towels. Today, while I was gone, Jordan and Evan were dealing with that (not the washing but the taking care of her). What a wonderful big brother and sister they are. When I dropped Jordan off and was debating on whether to come back home (which would have involved 1hr of driving back and forth with just 30 or 45 minutes at home before going back to get her) Evan encouraged me to just do the things I needed to do, that he and Jessie would be just fine, and that he didn't mind, it was no big deal. He had no idea how I needed that today or what a big deal it was to me.
Today I couldn't help feeling aggravated at how difficult some things are right now. I needed to have time to do alone, things that had to be done. I worry in sharing these kinds of feelings, that someone who doesn't know me well enough will misunderstand. I also worry that those that do know me in person, and not just online, will feel sorry for me....don't! I did for today, and that was enough. I'm over it. I am always thankful that Jessie is ours, our lives are immeasurably enriched and better because of her. When I got home tonight, I kissed her all over her face and told her how much I missed her. It was true, even though I was glad to get done things I needed to, I missed my sweet little puffalump and couldn't wait to get all her sugar and snuggle with her for a few minutes. I called her while I was at Walmart today and told her I'd found her a new swimsuit cover up and asked what color she wanted. She loves to get phone calls, loves new, pretty things, and loves making the choices herself. She chose purple. Tomorrow, I can't wait to show it to her. She'll be so excited....and that will make my day :)