Counting Kisses

Mooo-o-o-m, you aren't keesing (kissing) me!

2012-01-14T19:14:00.001-06:00

A good bit of time and conversation have been spent recently trying to make decisions about Jordan's school year (college) next year. My sweet girl has had to weigh a lot of things and has been feeling conflicted and emotional, trying so hard to make the BEST decision. Jordan has been dual enrolled this year, her senior year. We spent several hours last week at the community college where she's been taking classes, talking to her dual enrollment advisor and several others, getting the information we needed to help her make decisions.

In the end, after more emotion than Daddy's like to deal with, I thought Daddy had some good advice for his big girl. She'd been finding out all she could about 2 particular career choices and was afraid that no matter how hard she tried, she might later look back and wish she'd gone the other direction. Daddy said, "Jordan, if six months from now you decide PTA (physical therapy assistant) isn't the direction you want to go, and you want to be a rodeo clown, your mom and I will find a rodeo clown school and do our best to get you there." Of course, his point wasn't about rodeo clown school, (is there such a thing ? :) Daddy wanted his girl to know 2 things.  First, you do your homework, investigate the best you can, and make the best decision with the information and life experience you currently have.  Mama and Daddy are going to support you and help you. Period :) Second, you won't ALWAYS make the best decision the 1st time around, no matter how hard you try. No matter how much homework you do. Sometimes, you may look back and think you might have gone another direction. It's impossible to never make a mistake.

All this time, attention, and emotion given to Jordan was a wee bit hard for Jessie.  It wasn't purposeful, but every time I turned around, Jordan and I were talking and Jessie was having to wait her turn. She recently told a friend of mine, "I HATE waiting." She does :) This particular morning, I would talk to Jordan, kiss and play with Jessie, talk to Jordan . Jessie was patient  for a while. This was, after all, day 3 of all this going on. Her times of waiting seemed too long to her compared to the amount of time she was getting attention. Finally, she blurted, "Mo-o-o-m (then thinking a minute what she wanted to say, when I looked at her for an explanation), you aren't keesing (kissing) me! We all needed the good laugh and kissing session that followed. College and career decisions are important. Kissing is important too :)

Christmas 2011

2012-01-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

The fall of this past year was so incredibly busy. A real juggling act between home and outside commitments. Much of what was going on required mental effort. By the time Christmas break from homeschooling came around, I very much felt that I needed a break. Mostly a break from thinking :)

I love what CHRISTmas is really about. I love the family time and traditions that we have at Christmas. I hate when those special times are polluted with stress. This Christmas I was so very determined to avoid the feeling of stress that comes with so much we "have to do". I had to keep evaluating all through the season what I really wanted or needed to do and what just "felt" important or necessary. I wasn't sure what "simplifying" Christmas was going to look like, but I felt that it was necessary.

This year we never put up any lights outside. Not on the house, not in the bushes (we always at least do this:), none of the wreaths went up on the front windows or the front door, no lit garland around the front door. This year I just didn't do any of it. At first, it wasn't my intent not to do it at all, but when I kept not getting around to it, I finally just decided it was too late to be worth the trouble. I didn't put up many of the indoor decorations that I sometimes do. None of the Santa pictures from years past were drug out of hiding. I didn't do any real baking this year. No baked gifts for friends. Sometimes I genuinely enjoy the baking, but this year, I just didn't want to do the grocery shopping necessary for baking. So I skipped it all this year.

So what did I do with all that time I usually would have been doing other things? I spent LOTS of hours chillin' with my teenagers. Watching tv. Watching movies. Drinking coffee. Drinking hot chocolate. Making and enjoying frappes. Playing Wii with Jessie. Snuggling. We rented so many movies from Redbox while we've been on break from homeschooling! It has been such a deliciously relaxing time. I can't remember when I've spent this much time doing...nothing. This might not be the same way another family would choose to relax, but without spending any money(redbox is so cheap it doesn't count:), this was our escape, and it has been so wonderful.

I had not done any Christmas shopping till well after Thanksgiving, so I started to get a bit stressed with shopping, shopping, shopping, looking for certain elusive items for my kids. Each time that feeling started to sneak up on me I just refused to let it be.

I have done some long overdue organizational projects around the house, partly in anticipation of having a houseful of folks Christmas day. And partly, just because I always try to take advantage of school breaks to accomplish projects that there isn't time for when school's going on. But, it didn't seem so daunting since I'd had some down time to clear my head. In the months leading up to Christmas, there were times it literally hurt just to think...not do, just think about some things that needed to be done. I had taken to saying, "lalalalalala", when someone brought something up that I couldn't bear to think about. I'm not exaggerating the level of mental exhaustion that I felt. Overwhelmed. Putting off important things because my mind was just too full.

Simplifying Christmas this year was just what we needed. We had a great Christmas! I hope next year that I will add back some of the things I skipped out on this year. We'll see, but this year Christmas was exactly as it needed to be.

We DID put up the tree :) Years ago, my mother in law (who is with Jesus now) gave us some lights that play music, every year they are first to go on the tree. I sat in the recliner, the music from the lights playing while we decorated. All but Jessie enjoyed coffee while we decorated. As I pulled each ornament out of the box, I reminded the kids where nearly every ornament came from. Me, the person who can't remember yesterday :) I would hand the ornaments to the kids and they would put them on the tree. A sweet, special time. As I think about it now, I can remember and feel the sweetness of that time together. I am ever mindful, that with a 15 and 17 year old, the time I have left with them at home is precious.

I don't recall, before this year, having been to church on the actual Christmas Day. We had a very sweet,simple service on Christmas Day. The thoughts and feelings from the service stayed with us, hovering over the rest of the day. We had The Lord's Supper. It seemed so fitting on the day of celebrating His birth, to remember His sacrifice for us. How very much He loves us. I remember singing the words, "For He alone is worthy", my heart full of thankfulness and praise.

Since Christmas, we've still been playing wii and watching movies. Starting to try to get our minds around the idea that tomorrow we start back to school. Even though I'm not looking forward to going back to the usual schedule, I do feel refreshed in a way that I definitely don't usually after Christmas break. It's been so nice to just be still.

I'm hoping that I can find a way to modify my "if it causes stress, just skip it" philosophy to everyday life. With three kids, it is just so hard to discern the good (all the good things we participate in) from the best (not taking on so much that there is no peace in my cluttered mind).

As we TRY to get out of bed tomorrow at a reasonable hour, and start back to school, I'm hoping not to need the words, "lalalalalala" :)

I'm Back! I think :)

2011-12-27T14:24:00.001-06:00

We've gone through such a season of busyness in our lives in past months, there just hasn't been time for blogging. In the past I've gotten bogged down because I felt I couldn't post some of our homeschooling adventures without adding photos. My computer is ancient and slow, so it just didn't happen. I DO hope to do those things because I still find there to be a shortage of blogs by mom's homeschooling their children with Down syndrome and I so enjoy reading other's ideas, especially the ones with photos :) However, I love to share and chronicle for myself our family life and Jessie with all her Jessieness ;) In a lot of areas of my life as I've gotten older, I've decided DONE is better than perfect- never- finished. Jessie does so many cute and funny things on a daily basis that I really want to keep a record of them, even if noone else ever reads them.

I have recently been DVRing Paula Deen's cooking show and sometimes Jessie likes to watch it. One day when she was helping me cook, she said, "These are our dry ingredients." LOL I'm not sure whether she does understand the concept of "dry" ingredients. She might.

This Christmas season when we were out shopping Jessie saw some pots and pans with Paula Deen's picture on them. She told me she thought I needed to have them. I told her I didn't have room for them in my kitchen, that my kitchen was too small. The conversation went on a bit....she has not forgotten that conversation ;) She's brought it up several times, that she wants me to have Paula Deen's kitchen. She told me last night at bed time that I NEED to have Paula Deen's kitchen. A big one. She wants to give me Paula Deen's kitchen for Christmas :)

The Best of Friends

2011-05-23T23:46:00.000-05:00

I loved watching my teenagers tonight. I'm not through mothering them, of course, but it's a relief this far down the road to see all our hard work hasn't been for nothing :) I've always told them : friends may come and go, but you're stuck with each other forever. I've always encouraged them to feel responsible (within healthy boundaries) for sticking together and helping each other. Tonight I saw Evan excited to be able to show Jordan some self defense moves (he'd just learned them) and I saw that Jordan admired and respected the knowledge Evan had. Afterward, talking to Jordan about it, SHE SAID how he just seems so grown up. It struck me that she's proud of how he's growing up. What mixture of emotions to see my babies, MY babies, my BABIES so grown up. I'm constantly looking, noticing, memorizing almost, the details, of their grown-up-ness, trying to hold onto the moment. I know teenagers are "supposed" to be such monsters, and mine do have their moments, but like the other stages of their lives I am watching them in awe, a mixture of love and pride and sadness for the time that's gone, I can't get back...and anticipation of what comes next.

When they were little I always hoped that when they were older, they'd be like they are now. They can still fight like cats and dogs!! But, they are the best of friends. I am thankful.

Happy To See Poop? Our recent GI issues.

2011-05-20T21:22:00.001-05:00

Jessie has had significant reflux for as long as I can remember. At one time or another she has taken Zantac (the mildest, this was the first reflux medicine she took), Prevacid and Prilosec. If we owned stock in Mylanta or Maalox.....you know. A year or so ago she started having loose bowels, all the time. Not like you expect with a virus (not as many times per day), no fever, didn't feel sick. Finally, after this went on several weeks, we determined the culprit was the Prevacid she was taking. Her gastroenterologist said sometimes drugs in that class, proton pump inhibitors (think I got that right :), after taking them a while can cause diarrhea. We switched to Prilosec and in about 3 days, we saw that had indeed been the cause, as the diarrhea stopped. Prilosec and Prevacid are both proton pump inhibitors, but I guess sometimes you can take them for a while before that symptom might arrive. Prior to this, Jessie had been taking Prevacid, off and on, for several years. So now, after a little more than a year of taking Prilosec, the same symptoms started again. It's always tricky at first cause it's not that abnormal for Jessie to have a little issue for a couple of days here and there with no sure explanation. After more than 2 weeks of this again, we have changed to a new drug, Axid, in a different class (not sure what) but it isn't a proton pump inhibitor. Finally, we have poop with shape to it. That makes me very, very happy :) Normally, it is rare for Jessie to have poop accidents, but when all this was going on, it was constant. I finally decided that her tummy must have felt unsettled for so long that she no longer could interpret the signal. That was a sad thought that my baby's tummy had been bothering her enough that she couldn't tell she needed to poop.

For any of you reading that might have a child taking a proton pump inhibitor, or are taking one yourself, it's a good idea if you've taken it a while, to have your B-12 checked. Never mind that the doctor may say it isn't necessary :) Initially, I had her B-12 checked because she had a few gray hairs and alopecia, and a google search revealed sometimes low B-12 is the cause of gray hair in children. AFTER we discovered her B-12 was at the very lowest within the very large normal range, another google search showed that with the great numbers of people now taking this class of reflux drugs they are finding B-12 deficiencies. Jessie now takes a B-12 tablet and as long as we take it semi-regularly her B-12 comes up to the middle of the normal range. If we stop it it goes back down.

I have found it to be SO important to have a pediatrician that really listens to my concerns, and will go along a bit with me. Jessie's pediatrician checked her B-12 for me after I told him I read that gray hair is sometimes associated with low B-12. He agreed to check it to put me at ease, but assured me that it is rare to find a B-12 deficient child that eats meat. We found one!! Jessie is a meat lover!

I share the poop story with you not cause I want to gross you out but because I know reflux is pretty common amongst younguns with Down syndrome. If you have dealt with reflux and have any suggestions that might be helpful please leave me a comment!

A Mama's Heart Overwhelmed

2011-04-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

It took me by surprise, the overwhelming range of emotions I felt watching as Jessie participated in the children's musical at church tonight, "Peter Cotton's Tale." I'd watched the kids many times as they practiced. I'd helped in the sound booth. So many thoughts as I watched tonight. I didn't expect to be so emotionally affected after having seen it so many times :)

One of the main thoughts I had was, most of the members at my church probably aren't familiar with the term, "inclusion." They've probably never given that word a thought. What my church knows is LOVE. Because of love, my church family does such a beautiful job of including Jessie. Tonight, Jessie sat beside Mrs. Wanda. Mrs. Wanda is the music minister's wife, she has been Jessie's Sunday School teacher, her Awana teacher and has known Jessie from birth. Mrs. Wanda sat there beside Jessie, cueing her when to stand, when to sit, and when the last song came on Jessie was able to follow Mrs. Wanda in doing the motions for the song. Jessie had a small chair (the only one that had a chair) beside Wanda.

We came to this church when I was six months pregnant with Jessie and did not know she would have Down syndrome.  All the folks that teach her and work with her have known her since the day she was born. My church family may not know what inclusion is, or have any idea what a hot topic it is, but they are good at it. In Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and Awana, they expect from Jessie whatever is her best. They make adjustments and accommodations when they are needed. She is helped when it is needed but they all are proud of how much she can do herself. When she was younger I was pretty much always with her, that was my choice. As she got better at being able to communicate I slowly backed off.

There's a lot of talk about inclusion, but often, I don't think what's called inclusion is really inclusion. To just be present as part of the group, in my opinion, doesn't always count as being included. I found this definition of inclusion that I really liked: “Inclusion is a sense of belonging: feeling respected, valued for who you are; feeling a level of supportive energy and commitment from others so than you can do your best work.”  Disabilities or not, that's what we want for all our kids.

Watching Jessie tonight, my thoughts went back to a conversation I had with the Lord in the first day or so after Jessie was born. I knew so little about Down syndrome. Now some of the thoughts I had then I realize to some of you might seem exaggerated....but initially, I had no idea what Down syndrome meant. I told God that whatever this meant for our family He was going to have to help us accept it. That He would have to help us through. I told Him if I were to be feeding her every meal for the rest of her life, if she were to be completely dependent on us, whatever it meant, He just needed to help us. Tonight, watching, I thought about those thoughts, that conversation. I watched my beautiful pig-tailed baby sing, "it's such amazing grace, it's such amazing mercy, it's such amazing love for me." She sang almost every word of the song, "Because of Your Love" and did motions with the song.  My heart was so full and overflowing. The combination of the gratitude I feel for the Lord for all he's done for me, the pride in seeing my baby do so well and sing her little heart out, and the love I feel for my church family for the way they've loved her and us....this Mama's heart was overwhelmed with love and gratitude.

Keepin' It Real

2011-03-16T15:00:00.010-05:00

In writing this blog, it is always in my mind, who am I speaking to? A new mom looking for blogs about Down syndrome? A mom thinking about homeschooling their child with Down syndrome?  A mom needing encouragement? A mom looking for specific ideas that might be helpful in their homeschooling?  Friends and acquaintances that really want to understand? With the exception of the last one, I have been each of those people, looking for websites and blogs for each of those different reasons.  The blogs I most enjoy have given me some of each of those things. Encouragement, homeschooling ideas, a realization that there are others that feel much the same as I do...that there are those that face the same struggles and find some of the same joys of having a loved one with DS.   I feel most connected when the writer shares struggles as well as the blessings. When they seem real. When I can identify with them.

In sharing our life on this blog, I am ever mindful of who is reading, and also the fact that they don't really know me. It makes it hard to share some of the struggles. I would hate to think that a mom looking for encouragement felt discouraged by looking further down the road and thinking about something they aren't ready to face yet.   As much as I'm concerned that someone might find reading the struggles discouraging, so might someone who is struggling find it difficult to read only the good stuff. Might they wonder if everyone else with a kid with Down syndrome is making such a party of it that they are the only ones having a hard time? I  think that sometimes, as Christians, many of us think we aren't supposed to struggle in the way that we do. That somehow, if we were stronger Christians, these things, these issues wouldn't seem so hard. I've been pondering that lately. Because there have certainly been times that I'm struggling (not always DS, sometimes it's those typical kids that are the problem :), or unemployment, finances, overcommitted with a lack of energy. Now I'm whining, so I'll stop there :)

I do know this, "...that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 Those who love him, called to his purpose, that's me! I take all things to mean all things; the good, the bad, and the ugly. All things work for my good in the end. They might not always feel good in the moment. Sometimes they teach me endurance. Sometimes they teach something I'll need later. Even if I don't always know the why, I do know the who. He's trustworthy. He loves me. He's promised to work all things for my good. I'll trust that.

As much as is possible I'm going to try to keep it real. In doing so, know this....no matter what struggles I share, no matter what difficulties we face as a result of Down syndrome I love and accept Jessie unconditionally. She is a gift, as all children are, to me, to our family. We wouldn't change her if we could. Sometimes, it's still hard.

Thinking of all of you. Wondering whose reading......

New Realizations

2011-03-15T21:49:00.000-05:00

Our kid has Down syndrome. We've known this for a long time now :) And yet, it seems that really understanding what that means happens over time. For each of us in the family, over time, there are some new realizations. Sometimes, when they are new, it hurts a bit. This past week was one of those times for Jordan.

Jordan took Jessie along when she went to babysit 3 small children, all 6 and under. Brave, huh? She wanted Jessie to get to play with some friends. She's played with these same children before and talks about them and wanting to go play with them. This day, Jessie just never seemed to want to play the same things as the other children. She was obsessively consumed with thoughts of a particular electronic game they weren't supposed to get out till after lunch. The other kids were all fine with that. Jessie just couldn't let it go and couldn't be satisfied with the other things. Jessie's attention span....well, it ain't too long. So, constantly Jessie was begging for V Smile. She wasn't only being stubborn, which is certainly part of the equation. She has no concept of how long till their lunch time. No matter how hard Jordan tried to get Jessie to play cooperatively with the other kids, it just never lasted very long. They love Lincoln logs...Jessie just doesn't have a clue why they're supposed to be fun. We have some and she is so totally disinterested, even if I play with her. I don't remember the other things they were playing but Jordan tried so hard, doing everything she could to make it work. Jessie has a one track mind, a short attention span, inability to do some things kids younger than her can do, is inflexible, and stubborn. Jordan called me crying and asked me to talk to Jessie. Sometimes a little reminder from mom is all that is needed. When I talked to Jessie she realized Jordan was crying and she began to cry. Jordan had told her if she didn't behave she was going home. She started putting her shoes on and was ready to go home. Jessie loves nothing better than playing with other children so that let me know that her frustration level was high as well. I think she really was trying hard to "be good" but she did not want to play the things the other children were and didn't know what to do with herself. Jordan had a good cry on the way home. We talked for while when she got home and then she said, "I feel like I just found out my baby has Down syndrome." This day, she understood that Jessie wasn't trying to be uncooperative or behave badly but the situation was beyond her. No matter how much we love Jessie, sometimes Down syndrome is hard.

Jordan is so mothering to Jessie. I've said several times that I know Jessie will be well loved and taken care of by her siblings when one day her dad and I aren't here. I know with no reservations that Jordan and Evan will willingly accept that responsibility and will always have her best interests at heart. None of us knows what tomorrow holds.....so it is such a great comfort to me to know that. Of course Jordan and Evan are just 16 and 14 so they love her like siblings do, not parents. Although the realizations of this day were hard for Jordan, it helped me to know that when that day comes, she will have the insight she needs to understand Jessie and know what's best for her. I thank God for showing me that.

Squeeze the Charmin

2011-01-11T12:11:00.000-06:00

It's precious to me that at 9 years old, if Jessie wakes up beside me (any excuse will do to get in mama's bed sometimes) that she looks at me and smiles when she sees that I'm there. This morning she did that, then leaned over and kissed me. I kissed her a minute then the dog started begging to go out, so I encouraged Jessie to stay in the bed a bit while we did Bible. She hates to wait how long it takes before she can have the main tv in the living room, the one with all her shows dvr'd. She went back to sleep I think for a few minutes.

"Good Morning, Mama". "Good Morning, Mama". Evan helps out, "Mama, Jessie said good morning to you two times". She has learned, for the most part, to wait patiently or go watch tv in another room till we finish Bible, so although she spoke to me, she had come and sat down in front of the Barbie house and started to play. Since I'm the one reading I never even heard what she said. I love that Evan wanted to be sure I acknowledged her greeting.

We finished Bible and I called Jessie up on the couch with me for a proper "good morning". She snuggled up in my lap, and these days she's quite a lapful (I was shocked when they weighed her a couple of weeks ago and she weighed 100 lbs!). We chatted a minute and then there was a pause. Then she says, "Squeeze the Charmin". I've told her a plenty that she was "the Charmin", all soft and squeezable. Some times when she walks by I'll tell her I need a squeeze. This was the 1st time she'd told me to squeeze the charmin.

Sometimes these days feel complicated, trying to meet each kids needs and do it in a way that speaks in each of their "love languages". I am sure that as the day goes on, things will get more complicated, and that even Jessie won't be satisfied with whatever time or attention that I can give her. Even so, I'm glad that I am here with them. I'm glad that we started the day reading the Bible together. I'm glad that we have time to stop and squeeze the charmin. It helps me hold on in those crazy moments, of which there are many!

"Where is my #2?" Our progress with number order :)

2011-01-06T19:52:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, Jessie surprised me and cracked me up.

Jessie has a set of apples with the numbers 1-10 on them that I made as part of a Fall themed lapbook. I included the apple/numbers in the lapbook as we were in need of a fresh way to approach the same thing we'd been working on what seemed forever, the correct order of the numbers to 10. Usually, I get the laminated numbers out of the bag and put them in random order. Then I let Jessie put them in correct order, talking her through it step by step. I ask, "who comes first?" (cause everybody knows #1 always get to be the leader!) and "what number comes next", or " what number comes AFTER 4", etc. This day I dumped them on the table and let her sort them out and put them in order. She had her own system....all the numbers were upside down until she was ready to put them in their proper place. She did it perfectly, with only one number out of place, with NO help from me. No guidance at all. I was so tickled. I had known we were close to getting it, but didn't really think she would do it on her own. Usually, she is easy to get frustrated if she doesn't immediately know the answer. She has always had difficulty with the number 6. Why she discriminates against number 6 I would love to know. Often, when counting, she would leave out 6. This day, she put 5 in the wrong place. Rather than immediately correcting her, I suggested she count them to check herself. When she said aloud 5 but 6 was there she immediately realized her mistake, found 5 by the 7 and corrected it. After she put the numbers in order, she placed the number word directly beneath them, with no mistakes!! The order number we have worked on for what literally seems like forever, but learning the number words hasn't been that difficult for her at all. We've only been working on them a couple of months. She knew most of them within a very few days. Funny, the crazy mixture of strengths and weaknesses.

What cracked me up? While Jessie was putting the numbers in order, she was looking for 2. She knew 2 came after 1, but it was hiding in the pile. She says, "Where is my #2?!! I had it last weekend!" Jessie has no good concept of time. She knows tomorrow is the next day when you wake up. She has no idea when last weekend was, but she does understand that it is a section of time, possibly even understands that "last" weekend is a time in the past. Probably one of my favorite things about the age range we are in right now, is the way she makes me laugh. Sometimes she does it on purpose, as she has the same "Hall" (sassy and a bit sarcastic) sense of humor that we all do. Other times, that crazy mixture of things she understands and things she doesn't gives us all a great laugh.

Always Learning :)

2010-09-17T22:24:00.000-05:00

Jordan sleeps with her big sister, Jordan. A couple of nights ago they were laying in bed together, talking before going to sleep. While talking Jessie brought up that she had written on Jordan's t.v. earlier in the day. When she had done it earlier, Jordan had scolded her and given her a pop on the bottom and Jessie was angry about getting in trouble. She didn't seem to be repentant at all. While talking in bed, she (Jessie) said she was sorry she wrote on Jordan's t.v. Jordan said she thought another second and then told Jordan she would clean it up. When Jordan told me about this the next morning, you can imagine that it made my mama heart very happy.

Two things: #1, Jessie was obviously laying there thinking over her day, LIKE THE REST OF US DO when we lay in bed at night. I've never known before if Jessie thinks back over things in that same way. I know Jessie continues to talk about something fun we've done that she wants to do again, but this was clearly different. When Jessie was younger it was so hard that often we didn't know for sure exactly what she was thinking. I am amazed constantly at how her communication has improved. Not only her ability to speak well enough to be understood, but to be able to find the words to communicate what it is she wants to say. It seems like she surprises me with something she says almost every day.

#2: She realized she had done wrong, she was sorry, AND she wanted to make it right. Wow! There are certainly plenty of times when she is genuinely sorry for something she's done and she tries to clean up her mess, etc. In the heat of the moment Jessie wasn't sorry, but after a "cooling off period" she could see more clearly. There are many adults that could learn from her example :)

The End of Summer :(

2010-08-17T00:59:00.000-05:00

The summer has gone by way too fast. I don't know how it slipped away from me. There was a whole lot less floating in the pool than I had anticipated....and a whole lot more of driving my teenagers everywhere. Jordan babysat 3 days per week, so for the 1st time ever, she wasn't around every day. That was sad for both Jessie and me, Evan didn't really care unless he was asked to do an extra chore because she was gone :)

We are trying this week to get into something that resembles a routine, that definitely isn't one of my strengths. I'd rather be flexible and fly by the seat of my pants, but have realized, sadly, that doesn't work well for us. We found last year that Evan has a sleep disorder, so partly for that reason we are trying to get up at the same time everyday (not Jessie, we tiptoe around trying to keep that little monster asleep as long as possible:) I'm sure that no matter what modifications we make, we will never be as structured as many other homeschool families, but we are working on some improvements. I have always loved the flexibility of homeschooling and am not willing to give up more of it than is required for my sanity.

This summer, although we didn't work on any academics with Jessie, we made real progress in some other areas. If you are reading this and you DON'T have a child with Down syndrome, some of these milestones may not seem like much. If you DO have a child with Down syndrome, I'm sure you're cheering with me! With the school year pressures of having 3 homeschooling kids, it is hard to slow down enough to teach the skills that give Jessie more independence. I always feel desperate for her to learn those skills, yet find it difficult to slow down to work on many of them. This summer Jessie learned to buckle her own seatbelt. This was SUCH a relief! Up till now I'd been lifting or partially lifting Jessie to get her out of the car. We decided she was big enough that she didn't have to ride in a booster seat anymore. She weighs at least 85 pounds and is tall enough that the seatbelt rests in approximately the right place on her shoulder. I'd been having a little complication (mild uterine prolapse) that caused me to want to find ways to eliminate having to lift her. Once we got her out of the booster seat we were able to teach her to step down the side of the van holding my hand and the hand strap on the van. After a few weeks now of doing this, more often she is getting out entirely by herself, by sitting down on the floor first. As soon as she could buckle the seat belt we started working on shutting her door by herself. She can do this now, if she remembers to do it before she puts her seat belt on. This past spring we got new tennis shoes with velcro, now she can put on (most) socks and shoes by herself. These seemingly small steps of independence have been so exciting to me.

We haven't reached success level yet with the following skills, but are working on teeth brushing, hair washing/bathing, and picking up after herself around the house in various ways. As long as we buy the pump toothpaste she can fix her own tooth brush and has made real progress with brushing her bottom teeth, but we still have quite a way to go before she can do it alone. More often we are making her put away, some of her things, she drags out way too much for her to be able to do it alone, but we are trying to help her realize dragging out more = more clean up. One skill we are less thrilled about: she can now unchain the door. We've always counted on that extra measure of security keeping her in the house. Unlike some other kids I know with DS, Jessie doesn't like to be alone, so she has no real desire to go outside by herself. I worry though that she could open the door to someone when I'm in the shower or try to let the dogs out and get distracted. It is very helpful that most often there is someone else always home when I shower.

Well, if I am to keep to my appointed time to get up in the morning, I must go to bed :) I was excited to share these new accomplishments with you, my blog friends, knowing you would understand and be excited with us.

Glasses specifically designed for people with Down Syndrome: Specs 4 Us

2010-05-03T21:07:00.001-05:00

I had known for a while that Jessie had grown a lot since we'd last gotten new frames, and was soon going to need new glasses. Then, she broke a part on the nose piece that couldn't be repaired. I'd been dreading this day. We'd been wearing the same style flexible glasses for a LONG time and they had worked well for us. They had the temple that wrapped around the back of the ear; Jessie was wearing the largest size they came in :( The people at DenneyVision here have always been awesome to us. They ALL (several ladies in the frame section and several men that do repairs and adjustments) know Jessie by name. We've been getting glasses with them since Jessie was 7 months old and she's 8 1/2 now. When she was really young, we had to FREQUENTLY have adjustments, that's when they really got to know us.

When we went in to look for new glasses this time, I asked them if they carried, or could order Specs 4 Us. I'd heard about them on a Homeschooling and Down Syndrome yahoo group. Specs 4 Us has frames that are specifically designed to fit the facial features that are typical of a person with Down syndrome. I didn't feel comfortable ordering them without being able to see them on her, and the nearest place that sold them was a couple of hours away. I didn't mind driving to the beach to check them out :), but I was worried about being able to get adjustments and repairs if I didn't purchase them locally. The first person I asked at Denneyvision if they carried them or could order them said, "Nope, we don't have an account with them".

Jessie had decided that she wanted purple glasses....she would have been happy with pink also, but she knew she wanted glasses this time that were a cute color. This is the first time she's been old enough to express an opinion in the glasses shopping. We tried on every pair of children's glasses that looked like something we would consider. They all were not wide enough to fit her face. We branched out to the teen and adult sections and looked around in the entire store (they have a ton of frames) and found 2 pair of "teen" glasses that were the closest possibilities. The two cute, purple pair of glasses seemed to fit the width of her face but the temples (arms/legs) were a couple of inches too long. We were unsure whether the guys in the back could bend them into shape enough to work. Narrowing it down to those two took a long time so we had to leave and planned to come back the next day.

This day when I came in, I had a different helper from the frame department. When I mentioned that I wished they carried the Specs 4 Us, she immediately began researching whether they could order them or not. She was willing and helpful but couldn't find out all she needed to know at that moment. We left AGAIN, her distributor (?) was coming the next day and she was going to talk to them about whether they could order them. She went to a couple of the doctors there, talking to them about our dilemma, she really went way out of her way trying to accomodate us. She told me that we are not the only ones that have had a hard time, but that sometimes they order and have to send back and reorder (sometimes several times) trying to find glasses that will work. She said it would benefit them as well, to have some glasses that work for people with DS. They have a pretty good amount of customers with DS so they found it worth their while to order some glasses rather than trying to make modifications to the ones they already have, and it not working perfectly. She ordered 3 styles for us to check out and got them in just 2 days. Today, Jessie is the proud owner of new, PURPLE glasses. You can't tell anything about the color by this picture, but imagine they are purple :) You can see the actual glasses better by going to the link below.

They do fit differently. The bridge across the nose is wider. The temples are shorter, a good bit shorter, than the other ones we tried on. They were able to warm them and mold them to still come behind her ear a little bit so they would "hold on" a little better. It is hard getting used to her new look. Her other glasses had gotten too small and I was used to looking at them. These seem so much bigger. Although they are supposed to be fitted to not slide down on the nose, Jessie's are doing that, I am hoping this can be resolved with a little adjustment. After we've had them a bit, I will give an update to let everyone know how they are working out for us.

You can look at these glasses on line specs4us.com . If, like me, you prefer to be able to get them locally, request that your eyeglasses place check them out. I'm not terribly assertive, and if Sally had not been so willing to help us, I would probably have ended up with other glasses that might not fit as well. They have a great selection of colors that kids like. They have sizes from toddler to adult. Sally said that dealing with Specs 4 Us was very easy. She said they were very helpful in determining which ones for her to order based on Jessie's measurements and style we were looking for AND didn't require that they set up an account that might have caused a delay. Sally thanked me for bringing this to their attention, saying that otherwise they would never have known about them.

I hope this info helps someone else that is having difficulty finding well fitting glasses for the person they love that has Down syndrome.

Spelling Puzzles

2010-04-27T20:03:00.000-05:00

I found this Spelling puzzle at Ross for just $4.99. I was tempted to buy more, but I have a habit of buying a bunch of stuff that I sometimes don't end up using, so I restrained myself. Jessie is not terribly good with puzzles, although it's something that we started doing on a very simple level with her (knob puzzles first) when she was very young. Today was the first time we used the Spelling puzzles, she saw it in the cabinet and asked for it. This set contains 20 puzzles with only 3 and 4 letter words. I liked that only one letter was on each piece, and because puzzles aren't her strength, the fewer pieces work for us. I know that since she will do several (10 today) words in a sitting she won't remember the spelling after one or two times, but her visual memory is so good that this is a lower effort/fun way for her to learn how to spell some new words. Yay! I love when we find a new way to approach things we are already working on. I wouldn't necessarily have chosen every one of these words as her first spelling words, but, I think it will make spelling these words more fun for her. There were a couple of other choices of spelling puzzles available. Truly, I can't remember what made me choose this one over the others, they may not have all been 1 letter per puzzle piece.

I know, all this time without a new post from me and today, two in one day! Things have been crazy busy around here. Crazy busy....older kids play rehearsals, finishing coop, Miracle League games, dance, gymnastics. Jessie had her dance recital (which deserves its own post), so dance is done...coop is done....there is light at the end of the tunnel...summer is coming....floating in the pool...slower schedule....floating in the pool (!)...I am eagerly looking forward to the more relaxed pace of summer.

Jessie read a blend!! Our phonics experience thus far...

2010-04-27T19:38:00.000-05:00

I was completely taken by surprise. She just did it. I didn't at all expect it. We were working in our Bob Jones Phonics workbook*. I bought this workbook as recommended to go along with the adapted Kindergarten Bob Jones curriculum. We had used the adapted K-4 successfully, so I had started the beginning of the school year with the adapted K-5. We didn't stick with it very long as she just wasn't ready for the reading with phonics. She loved the colorful readers and the first few she really enjoyed, until we reached the part where she was expected to begin reading "word families". For example, taking the word it, that she can already read, then adding a letter to the beginning to read hit and sit. She has known all of her letter sounds since she was 3. She just hasn't been ready to progress to blending the sounds together. She seemed to understand the concept, but it required something of her that she just wasn't ready to give. Even with sight reading, which she does very well, sometimes she is easily frustrated and just doesn't want to give it that much mental effort. Although I discontinued, temporarily at least, the rest of the curriculum, I continued to use (sporadically) the phonics workbook just to "keep" what we already learned and modified it if it required something she wasn't ready for. We don't work out of this workbook every day that we have school, so she hasn't gotten bored with it and we haven't progressed in the book beyond her current skill level. Other than letter sounds, the other benefit to this workbook has been vocabulary. There are pictures on the pages where we identify the beginning letter. She knows most of the pictures, but some are more detailed than she might identify them. A cactus she might call a plant, a wig she'd never had reason to know (!) and well (water well) same thing. You get the idea.

Today, we were using the phonics page to review the letter sounds and determine which pictures began with an H. At the end of this assignment the words it, hit, and sit were in a box at the bottom. I knew she could read the word " it". I pointed and asked her what the word was. She responded appropriately. So, I asked, "Do you know the next word?" I didn't expect her to say it. She looked at it. She said, "h....hit." I got SO crazy excited that my son in another room thought something was wrong or someone was hurt! I was shouting, "Hallelujah!" and we were giving double high fives and going nuts. Just to see, I said, "Can you read the next one?" Again, she just did it, "s....sit". Hallelujah! I feel we have turned a corner that I've longed to look around for a long time.

*Phonics Practice for K-5. This workbook can be purchased separately, directly from Bob Jones University Press.

Children with Down syndrome are so loving....??

2010-04-09T00:10:00.000-05:00

When we meet new people and they say things like how loving all people with Down syndrome are, it seems a stereotype that isn't at all how I see Jessie. She is very loving but those would not be the first words that come to mind in describing her. I wonder, "Have YOU met my Jessie?" She is such a spunky, stubborn (she fits that stereotype!), fun, funny, girl with her own personality. Jessie has such a *"Hall" sense of humor. One of the things I've always loved about my husband is his ability to make me laugh. He is truly a funny guy. Sometimes goofy, but mostly funny. After all these years, his sense of humor has rubbed off on me....and then the kids. We don't play truly mean pranks, but we love to play jokes on one another. Our humor often is sarcastic but without meanness. We love to be silly and take each other off guard by doing something unexpected....just for fun. I think it's a sign of her intelligence that Jessie, too, is funny this way without copying exact things that we've done in the past. She comes up with her own humor that mimics our style. If I had to use just one word to describe Jessie, I think it would be fun. Of course, everything about her isn't fun, but if only allowed one word, fun would have to be it.

I've started trying to write down some of the funny things Jessie says and does. Here are a few of Jessie's most recent times of entertaining us:

I KNOW that Jessie greatly prefers fried chicken, not baked chicken. I had already told her that our supper was going to be baked chicken, not fried. It had been a while since I had made baked chicken so I wasn't really sure if she would remember what the difference was.

Me: Do you want some chicken?
Jessie: Yeah!
Me: It's baked chicken.
Jessie: uugggghh, gross. Disgust dripping from her voice.
I do not know where she picked up this phrase to use so appropriately, but she's been using it a fair amount lately when I'm serving anything that isn't fried or contains vegetables or fruit. Maybe this one was a "you had to be there" for it to be funny.

Jessie has a fascination with money. She doesn't understand the concept of "how much" where money is concerned, but she does know that dollars are better than change. She will take change when it is all she can get, but she prefers "dollars". She has been known to take money from our wallets, Jordan's bedside table, etc. She is a very cheerful giver at church with OUR STOLEN MONEY. One Sunday, her Sunday School teacher was commenting on all the change Jessie had brought with her....I had known nothing about it. We later decided the money had come from Jordan's nightstand. She also loves to "pay". She wants us to give her "dollars" so that she can pay with her own money from her wallet when she wants a snack/drink at gymnastics or a "shwushwee" (slushee) at Target. There are many funny, and many not so funny, discussions about money at our house.

Jessie: Hey Mommy. Smiling so sweetly.
Jessie: I love you. I know she wants something....
Jessie: Give me a dollar. I'm a sweetheart.......She really meant, "I'm your sweetheart" or "I'll be your sweetheart". She clearly understands that money is desirable and her affection is a tool for negotiation!

Jessie sleeps with her older sister, Jordan, in Jordan's room. Usually Jordan sleeps nearest the door and Jessie sleeps on the side next to the wall. Recently, Jessie usually lays on the couch to go to sleep, then later wakes up and goes to Jordan's bed during the night. Some of the time Jordan has started just moving over and Jessie climbs up on the outside edge. One night that they laid down to go to bed together rather than her falling asleep on the couch Jessie started this conversation:

Jessie: Please, Jordan, can we switch sides tonight?
Jordan: No, I wanna read so I need this side (by the lamp).
Jessie: Come on, you.....me...together....best friends. She smiles, angelicly, irresistably (Jordan's words:)
Jordan: No, sorry Jessie, maybe another night. Jordan moves Jessie over.
Jessie: Then you pay me my dollar!!
Jordan thought this was all so cute and wanted to be sure to be able to tell it to me so she rolled over and typed this into Notepad on her phone.

Jessie has gone through a phase of calling Evan "boy". This is NOT just that she knows he is a boy. She meant it to be funny. For several days, every time she referred to Evan she would just say boy. We were in the restroom at coop.

Jessie: Where's Jordan?
Me: She's in her class.
Jessie: Boy?
Me: Evan's in his class too. We don't know how or why this started but it was downright hilarious. Then, as suddlenly as it began, it was over. Moved on to something new.

Hope my funny girl has made you smile :)

*For those of you that know us online and not in person, our last name is Hall.

Learning With Stickers

2010-03-25T23:35:00.001-05:00

I apologize that I don't know how to rotate the picture! We have had this sticker book for quite a while, but was reminded to try it again when my friend Heather recently showed me hers. The last time we'd used it Jessie was more quickly frustrated with it. She has really been enjoying it again this time around. We bought this sticker book at Sam's Club.

Typically, in a sitting, we will do a 2 page spread (sounds like we're talking about scrapbooking, doesn't it?). This day all the pictures were things you would either find in a tool shed or at school. The part that gets a bit tricky is that not all the pictures that belong on one page are found on the same page of stickers. I find the stickers we'll need for the day and only give her those so the task doesn't seem too difficult. Some of the other categories of pages are : Our Bodies, Things we do, Clothes we wear, In the home, Toys and games, Food, Fruits and vegetables, Town and city, Things that go, Farm babies, Pets, Birds,Wild Animals, Little Critters, Sea Animals, At the beach, Time, Sticker Alphabet, Counting Stickers, Opposites, Shapes, Colors.

Jessie has enjoyed this activity. It has given us some variety in our school day. This has been an excellent fine motor exercise, she still has a hard time lining the stickers up perfectly on their outline. It has also been very helpful for categorizing. I don't think she "gets" that in just reading books, but this way she "sees" what goes together. It has been excellent for vocabulary as well. Many of the pictures aren't things we would normally talk about. Although she won't remember all of them, it has given her exposure to new things that aren't in our day otherwise.

Jessie is always happy these days to pose for a picture for my "bwog". When I take pictures of her school work she knows that's where it's going. As a record of what we've been working on I write the date at the top of the page.

Really Proud of My Kids

2010-03-20T02:15:00.001-05:00

The first part of this week we've taken a light week of school, so that we could volunteer at a local ministry. It is Spring Break for the city schools, and this ministry, Mama Tina's, was doing a feeding program and play time with the kids in their neighborhood. I had never been to Mama Tina's before and Jordan had learned about what they were planning for this week when she volunteered the week before with FLOW (a volunteer program with our homeschool group).

Jordan has been to Mama Tina's three times. Each time she went, the founder would tell the teens about the programs they have for the people they serve there. Jordan has been coming home and telling me about it each time. This place tugged at her heart, and she felt God might be trying to tell her something. She's just 15, but for at least a couple of years she has truly cried out to God (and cried at times) wanting to hear a word from Him. She has heard from a couple of her friends that they feel called to be missionaries at some point, and even felt called to specific countries. Jordan has felt envious of their certainty about what God said to them. Truly, and this isn't mama bragging, I don't know any young person who seeks the heart of God more sincerely than she does. I have hurt for her at times, as she has so desperately wanted to know that God was speaking to HER. After visiting Mama Tina's those 3 times (and she's been volunteering at other very different places as well) she wanted us as a family to volunteer and find a way to be involved at Mama Tina's. She felt drawn to Mama Tina's in a different way than the other places. She said she felt God might be telling her something........Woohoo!

The ministry of Mama Tina's is very varied. They have a soup kitchen, a clothes closet, they offer GED classes and childcare for those parents taking the classes, they partner with another ministry to help children who have an incarcerated parent. They have addiction recovery programs. They were sure to point out that they wanted to help those willing to help themselves, that wanted something better for their life, not enabling addicted persons to keep doing what it is they do.

Listening to the founder talk about the programs they offer, and the people they serve, it struck Jordan what a really good life she's had. Things aren't perfect for her as they aren't for anyone, but she's had no major drama in her life. She's never been hungry. Her parents have never divorced. We don't have any addiction problems (in our immediate household). We've always taken her to church, and more importantly, at home, we've always taught her about the Lord. Our home life isn't perfect. She's been yelled at (by me), unfortunately, she's heard her parent's argue. Even so, she's had a very stable, secure life. She knows with no doubts how very loved and truly cherished she is by both her parents. She knows, yelling at each other or not, we are committed to each other and our family for the long haul. Don't misunderstand: She knows ABOUT a lot of painful or negative life experiences, they just thankfully, haven't happened to her. She knows about my upbringing which was nothing like hers. She has recently been made aware how blessed she is to have had a good life, specifically a good family life. Jordan and I talk all the time, about everything. I love that we have become friends as well as mother and daughter in her teenage years. So, while I have been thinking about and praying for orphans....she has felt burdened for them as well. Having started out thinking about children who have no family, she is now thinking about children who haven't had a family life like hers...stable, loving, knowing she can count on her parent's always being there for her. No matter what.

We showed up at Mama Tina's Monday, not too sure what to expect. Monday and Tuesday, we helped prepare and serve food and played and talked with the children that came. We had to take turns a bit keeping up with Jessie, but most of the time she was happy to just be around the other children there. I was so proud of the way my children served and behaved. Although it was initially Jordan that caused us to be there, Evan served with the same love that Jordan did. Tuesday, when Evan offered to help with the grilling hamburgers he was quickly put in charge of that and cooked burgers for about three hours. Never once, did they say they were tired of being there, tired of working or wanted to go home. I know that some people serve to make themselves look good, or serve because they've been taught that it's a good thing to do. My children seem to really get that in order to serve Him, you have to serve others. I think they really understand that before people will be interested in hearing about Jesus, sometimes you have to minister to physical and emotional needs, they need to see Jesus before they know they want and need Him.

I am very proud of my kids. Not a puffed up kind of proud. But a humble, thankful, tearful, thankful, tearful, thankful proud that the years we've invested in teaching them about the Lord....they seem to have heard some of it. That isn't a typo, I realize I repeated myself.

I don't know in what ways we will be involved in Mama Tina's but I feel we will continue to be. There are a few people there that already have a piece of our hearts. I don't know exactly what God is saying to Jordan. But I am thankful that she has a relationship with Him, that she has sought Him, and that He IS showing himself to her. He is faithful and true.

"Nice Try!"

2010-03-13T23:50:00.001-06:00

Today I took both my girls shopping at Target. We were crossing the parking lot, and a car (reluctantly), stopped for us to cross. Jessie looked back and said, "Nice Try!". Jordan and I looked at each other, not believing what she'd said. I can't know for sure, she wouldn't elaborate, but we both thought she meant because she thought they were trying to hit us and missed. My funny girl.

Sweetly Watching Sissy

2010-03-13T08:03:00.002-06:00

Jessie standing on the couch, watching through a cut out between the living room and kitchen, while her sister is washing dishes.

For those that don't know it, the large V shaped space between Jessie's big toe and her next toe, is a characteristic of Down syndrome. That first toe...I call that her rebellious toe, it's as long as her big toe, and is a carbon copy of that same toe on her daddy's foot. My nose fits perfectly in that V :)

Indoor Picnic

2010-03-12T08:00:00.004-06:00

For days Jessie had known that we were planning a picnic at the park, with our friends Heather and Joshua. All along I'd told her, IF IT DOESN"T RAIN ON THURSDAY. Of course, last night I could tell it was going to rain, so I went ahead and gave her the bad news. She has such a completely broken hearted cry at times, you would do anything to make it better. I was scrambling, trying to come up with something that would ease her disappointment. "We'll have an indoor picnic. Remember, like on Caillou, we'll spread out our blanket." She wasn't sure at first what she thought about that idea, but by this morning she was excited about it. By the time it was actually time to go, it had dried up enough to go to the park after all, but now she was sold on the indoor picnic! When it was time to pack our lunch, Jessie got her own little cooler/lunchbag and packed Capri Sun's for herself and Joshua. She also packed them some fruit snacks, crackers and yogurt raisins. She was very matter of fact about it. She packed those things, then brought the bag to show me. She was proud to have done it by herself.

Once at Heather's house, Jessie and Joshua got busy spreading their blankets, his Tigger blanket, her heart blanket.

Getting it just right......

While Jessie was eating her sandwich, Joshua read her a book

Turkey sandwich with mayo and ketchup, her strange new favorite sandwich

After lunch, outside to swing a little bit......

then back in for a little treat. Heather had made homemade cinnamon rolls, so yummy with ice cream. Jessie and Joshua scarfed up some ice cream and came back for more.

Next, they concentrated so intently on painting some Christmas ornaments. I know it's not

Christmas time, but.....we will enjoy having them next year.

Then, they played a little guitar

sweet friends

my sweet little musician.

Desperate for Spring......

2010-03-11T23:44:00.002-06:00

Jessie and I went to the park today for just an hour. The sun was out so bright this morning that I thought it was warmer than it actually was. Once we got out there it was still pretty cold and very windy. We haven't been outside though in what seems like forever till the last couple days, so I really wanted to take her to the park. Our friends Joshua and Heather met us there. We are both so busy these days we have to squeeze in an hour here and an hour there.

There had only been the four of us at the park and they left just a few minutes before we did. Jessie wanted to play in the sand that is around the swing set, but it was pretty damp. Since it was so damp it made it perfect for play, you just didn't want to sit in it. Jessie made a little castle with a stick in the top. I took a pecan and wrote I <3 Jessie in the sand. When I showed it to her, thinking she would think it was cute, the little turkey was aggravated and told me to write love. Recently, she learned to spell love and didn't like me substituting a heart!

Where we live we don't have much of a spring, which I hate because I LOVE spring. It seems to go from winter to summer in the blink of an eye, just skipping over spring. I love to sit outside near the pool, when it isn't warm enough to swim, so it's very pleasant to sit and enjoy the sunshine. The pool pump running makes the water move and I love the sound, (although artificial), of the water. It's still too cold yet, but very soon that will be my favorite spot. I will sit out there with coffee and my Bible in the mornings. Not early, but at what time I get up :), which I won't reveal lest you think I'm lazy. When the weather is decent that is always where I go to make a phone call, leaving the chaos of the kids behind in the house. They know (although they don't always obey!) that if they see me with my Bible or on the phone out there that they shouldn't come out. That will be my favorite place till it starts to get too hot. Then, my favorite place will be floating in the pool.....preferably with the kids in the house, LOL.

P.S. As you can see by the date on the pictures, it took me over a week to finish this post after I started it. It is now warm enough to enjoy my favorite spot! One week ago it was cold, today I was wearing shorts. It's crazy!

"Go Hotel!"

2010-03-03T23:22:00.000-06:00

Saturday we were out shopping for a dress for Jordan for our homeschool group's Spring Formal. We took Jessie with us. Although I took a stroller so she could rest some, she walked a fair amount, which is one of the reasons I took her with us. The other reason I took her is she loves to go places, be out of the house and loves the mall....because it has Chick Fil A and the carousel. Somehow, she forgot about the carousel. We went to a couple of small stores first before we went to the mall. She kept saying she wanted to go to the mall. Go to the mall, go to the mall. It really wasn't about the mall at all. She kept saying she was hungry....she was NOT hungry when we started out. She drove us crazy with constantly telling us she was hungry, she just wanted to go to Chick Fil A. Honestly, I don't think she can distinguish between being hungry and wanting something to eat that she likes. Jordan finally said that yesterday, something I hadn't really thought through before. I just knew that once she got her Chick Fil A, she would be happy. Nope. She was briefly satisfied; it was short-lived. She happily sat in her stroller and ate till all the nuggets were gone.

Then, she started talking about wanting to go to a hotel. She loves to go to a hotel; don't we all? The only thing I can think of as to why she had this obsession....a couple months ago we had gone to Birmingham for a doctor appointment, the weather was bad and we had to stay overnight. After her doctor appointment we had gone to the mall to shop and while we were there, my husband called us and said he would feel better if we just spent the night there, rather than driving the four hours home in the bad weather. All three kids were with me, he encouraged me to just stay there at the Winfrey Hotel which was in the mall, so we wouldn't even have to leave the mall to go to a hotel. I'm guessing this is what Jessie had in her mind, as to why she was so obsessed with going to a hotel after our shopping. She kept repeating "Go hotel, brush our teeth, and go to bed. Eat breakfast, go home." "I'm tired, want to go hotel, go to bed." I know she got bored with the shopping, but she was driving us NUTS with her replaying the broken record of "Go Hotel."

I'm sure if I had been feeling better, I might have done a better job of distracting her from her obsessive mission. I started to run a fever while we were shopping, but I was determined to press on until we found THE dress. I just didn't feel well enough to let her try things on and play dress up while Jordan tried on dresses.

I realize this post is not uplifting or encouraging. Sometimes I just feel the need to be honest about some of the trying times. We all have them. It's true whether our kid has Down syndrome or not. This stubborn obsessiveness with something is an issue I have heard from other parents with DS too. Tonight we were supposed to meet someone from the local newspaper to talk about the upcoming Miracle League season and Jessie was going to have her picture taken. She was dressed in her ball shirt and we were almost there when we got the call that it was cancelled, and needed to be rescheduled. She didn't like that one bit....she will probably ask me about it (when we will do it) every single day until the day it comes to pass. Praying for patience on these days.....

I have noticed that when this type of behavior is to the extreme, a lot of the time, but not all of the time, I am able to see that there is something physically bothering her. On Sunday, when I went to kiss her goodnight, I noticed a stinky, familiar, smell. Her ear was draining. She had never complained of it once and hadn't pulled or rubbed at it like she often will if it bothers her. She has reflux too and it has been flaired up and bothering her more than it had been for a while. When it is, she tends to be a little edgy, touchy. I'm hoping that we get these couple of things feeling a little better and they she will chill out a little bit!

Love and Sacrifice

2010-02-28T11:42:00.000-06:00

I kept getting these flyers in the mail...We buy Gold! It was from a jewelry store we've used before. Friday, I took a few things in and sold them. I had been thinking about this for a while; then I just knew it was time.

If you've read my previous posts you know I have a heart for orphans. And, of course, especially ones who have Down syndrome or other special needs. In many other countries, children with Down syndrome just have no chance at a good, healthy life. Most are put in orphanages, then later moved to mental institutions by age 4 or 5. It varies by country. God has put this on my heart in a big way. More and more, I'm thinking adopting ourselves isn't likely the way that we can be involved. But, my eyes are forever opened, and my heart forever broken for those children, all children, that don't have a family to love and care for them. I have to find ways to do what I can do.

We had found a bracelet at the beach, many years ago, that was gold and had real stones in it. Jordan I think had found it and we had said that it could be hers, when she was older. When I suggested to her recently that we sell it and donate to an adoption fund, she thought that was a great idea. Just so you know, we were there a good long while that day, there weren't many people around and noone was looking for a lost bracelet or we would have returned it to its owner. I felt sure if we had walked around asking folks if it was theirs, they would have claimed it whether it was theirs or not.

I had a couple pair of earrings that I hadn't worn in years. I was happy to give those as well. Then, I had one more piece that I struggled over whether to sell. My brother had taken his own life when he was just 21 years old. He had few possessions, and had specifically wanted me to have a a beautiful herringbone gold chain that he had really treasured. Somehow, years ago this chain had gotten tangled, and they told me at the jewelry store it couldn't be repaired. It was really the only thing I had of my brother's. I struggled with the decision but decided how better to honor his memory than to give someone else life. Truly, in the country my online friend wants to adopt from, it is the difference between life and death for these children.

My brother's necklace was worth 145 dollars and the total I received was $350. I have to tell you the first thought that popped in my mind as I received the check was that amount would nearly buy the special needs stroller we need. Also, almost the right amount for the Spanish program I need to purchase for homeschooling, or would certainly cover Jordan's dress for the spring formal. I couldn't stop myself from having those thoughts for just a moment, but I knew God had laid it on my heart to donate this money.

I met this online friend in such a God-way, if you know what I mean. We both shared a love and burden for Corinna that I've blogged about before. She has this huge heart, wants to adopt one or more children WITH special needs, and finances are the only thing slowing them down. You can find her blog here. Many times I have felt tugged to donate when reading blogs and felt the amount I could give was so small that it couldn't be of much help. Several times lately I have donated just $25. hoping and knowing that it could really add up. It was all I could give at the time. If you're a coffee drinker you can help by ordering coffee from Just Love Coffee Roasters (they have an amazing story too) and every purchase of a bag of coffee gives them $5. for their adoption. I ordered the African Skies, which it described as their favorite, and am enjoying a delicious cup right now! This link takes you right to their page, so that they will get credit for the sale.

I met Kelli online, but she lives just a couple of hours away and hope to meet her in person soon. I can't wait till the time I can see her and meet her new addition/additions to their family. I know God will bless them for their obedience; and that He will bless me for mine. He's just good like that.

Jessie on American Idol

2010-02-20T13:44:00.000-06:00

Daddy: Jessica Hall, please step forward.

Jessie sings.....

Daddy: Yay!!!!!!!!!

Daddy: Jessica Hall, please step forward. Yes, you're going to Hollywood!

Jessie: Next week, on Tuesday?

Jessie sings again....this will be reenacted 20 times in the next hour.......<3

Mama Feeling Whiny Today......

2010-02-20T02:35:00.002-06:00

Jessie has had diarrhea for a couple of days. Wednesday and Thursday we stayed home together and I put off doing things that needed doing, finally, today they HAD to be done. I had to do a quick run by at a doctor's office, go to Sam's to get prescriptions and some groceries, etc., go to Verizon to pay a bill and talk with Customer Service to decide whether to 1) make an insurance claim, paying the deductible to get a new phone or 2) whether or when I was eligible to get a new phone. I've decided to TRY to hang in there till May but my phone is being very aggravating!

I left Jessie at home with big brother and sister while I did all these things. Most of the time I try to take Jessie with me when I run such errands, because it gets her out of the house a bit (she gets to talk to a million strangers while out which makes her happy and slows me down!) and Jordan and Evan can get their school work done. One of two things happens when I leave her home with them on a school day. EITHER, she watches entirely too much t.v. OR they don't get their school work done for entertaining her. Either scenario leaves me feeling guilty. Even though it couldn't be helped the way things worked today, I told them they would have to finish their school work tomorrow :( Soon as I got home from those errands, I threw things in the freezer and ran out the door again, taking Jordan to a friend's house to work on Chemistry and ACT prep, leaving Jessie home with Evan another couple hours. The time between dropping her off and picking her back up left me with not really enough time to warrant driving all the way back to Headland, so I decided to run through a car wash, vacuum the van and get a few things at Walmart before picking Jordan back up.

Where the whining comes in........I debated whether I wanted to share this or not, but decided to do so. It felt so wonderful today to do all those things without being slowed down by Jessie. Jessie doesn't have good endurance for a whole lot of walking, the walking she does is slow, and getting her in and out of the car, always a potty break or a snack, when we have errands to do it is painfully slow at times. At Verizon she wants to look at what she wants to look at or talk to someone when I'm wanting to look at phones. The last two trips to Verizon...when they called my name, I was taking her to the potty and lost my place in line. When they realized I was there they called me again next, but you get what I'm sayin'. I could never have accomplished all of what I got done today if she had been with me; I would have had to do part of the list today and finish the rest another day. That's usually how I do things. Today I felt super productive (that always makes me feel good!) and felt guilty that I wish things weren't so hard. Maybe guilt isn't even the right word. I felt tired of things being/seeming so hard.

Already, tonight I feel differently. Tomorrow, I'll be completely back to my joyful self....but today....I felt weighted down. I have been mama to a little person for 15 years now. Whereas Jordan and Evan were much more independent at the age Jessie is now (8), physically, in many ways with Jessie, it is still like caring for a toddler. I still brush her teeth, wipe her bottom, wash her hair, help with getting dressed etc. She doesn't do any of those things well enough yet to do them herself. Today, just for today, I felt tired of having "a toddler". I am ready for a new phase, that truly I don't think is right around the corner. I didn't like having these feelings, even while knowing they are normal.

While Jessie has had diarrhea, I have had to keep a towel under her wherever she sits or sleeps; she has had many accidents as she doesn't realize it in time to make it to the potty. I have been constantly washing the clothes and towels. Today, while I was gone, Jordan and Evan were dealing with that (not the washing but the taking care of her). What a wonderful big brother and sister they are. When I dropped Jordan off and was debating on whether to come back home (which would have involved 1hr of driving back and forth with just 30 or 45 minutes at home before going back to get her) Evan encouraged me to just do the things I needed to do, that he and Jessie would be just fine, and that he didn't mind, it was no big deal. He had no idea how I needed that today or what a big deal it was to me.

It felt SO GOOD to clean out my van! That may sound crazy but the van was so dirty it was just gross. When you have to pull up the big trash can and move it from door to door as you clean....that's a sign it was too long overdue.

Today I couldn't help feeling aggravated at how difficult some things are right now. I needed to have time to do alone, things that had to be done. I worry in sharing these kinds of feelings, that someone who doesn't know me well enough will misunderstand. I also worry that those that do know me in person, and not just online, will feel sorry for me....don't! I did for today, and that was enough. I'm over it. I am always thankful that Jessie is ours, our lives are immeasurably enriched and better because of her. When I got home tonight, I kissed her all over her face and told her how much I missed her. It was true, even though I was glad to get done things I needed to, I missed my sweet little puffalump and couldn't wait to get all her sugar and snuggle with her for a few minutes. I called her while I was at Walmart today and told her I'd found her a new swimsuit cover up and asked what color she wanted. She loves to get phone calls, loves new, pretty things, and loves making the choices herself. She chose purple. Tomorrow, I can't wait to show it to her. She'll be so excited....and that will make my day :)

Stella: A Sweet New Addition To Our Family

2010-02-14T08:00:00.003-06:00

For several months Evan had been pondering, thinking, trying to decide if he wanted the responsibility of a new dog or puppy. It was understood that feeding and caring for the new dog WOULD BE his responsibility. Accidents, etc., in the house, HIS responsibility. He weighed the pros and cons of puppies vs. dogs but wasn't fully decided when we began our search. We visited Animal Control and the Humane Society. The only dog he fell in love with failed to pass their temperament test :( Jordan and I fell in love with a beautiful lab puppy.....Evan just wasn't interested. Still searching, we started looking online....Craig's List and Pet Finder....and found Stella.

Stella was fur and bones, very skinny. She weighs 50 lbs, but the vet said she should weigh 70. In the nearly two weeks we've had her, she has started to fill out so beautifully. Her ribs and spine were painfully noticeable and bony. She had been adopted by someone else just a few days before. Kelly said she looked even worse before we saw her, that in the few days she'd had her, she'd filled out a little. Kelly already had a bulldog and hoped the two dogs would be companions, but "Tater" wasn't having it so she had advertised her on Craigs List.

When we first talked about the dogs Evan was interested in, Jay and I agreed that with certain breeds (Dobermans being one of them), that we would want to have them as a puppy to grow up with Jessie, being used to her. When I first called about Stella, I misunderstood, and thought she was a younger dog. She is estimated to be 2 to 3 years old. After emailing with Kelly several times, she sounded like a perfect fit for our family and decided to meet her, even though she was older than we'd first thought we wanted.

We loved Stella right from the start. She is THE sweetest dog ever! She wants to be loved every minute of the day! To be such a large dog, she is surprisingly calm. She is loving to everyone in the family, and very tolerant of Jessie being somewhat unpredictable. Jessie doesn't know if there are things dogs don't typically like; but Stella doesn't seem to be bothered by much of anything. At first she didn't pay any attention to the cats.......but now, if they run she will chase. If they aren't running (or hissing at her because she has previously chased them!) she isn't concerned with them. Boo (our other dog) has been terribly jealous, but is starting to calm down. They have started to play together and it is HILARIOUS to watch because of the difference in their sizes, and seeing long- legged Stella playing like a puppy. Evan is so in love with his new dog. Getting a new dog/pet is always a bit of a gamble. There are always things you can't know for sure. Whew! Glad this one worked out!

This is Jessie's handwriting from the day or so when we first got Stella. I always try to make Jessie's handwriting (and other schoolwork) meaningful to her whenever possible :)

Sticker No No

2010-02-13T10:00:00.001-06:00

Jessie has liked stickers for a long time. It hasn't been all that long since she has been able to pick up the smaller stickers. We always have tons of stickers to use for making cards for different special occasions and just for fun. Such a great fine motor activity, I'm happy that she is enjoying them....BUT not when they end up places like....

On the glass back door. These have actually been there a couple of months. It was cute and I didn't have the heart to remove them.

Newest addition: added a bunch of stickers to the laminate floor, all in a perfect straight line.

This isn't where Dora belongs! Jessie, in the past, hasn't been able to scrape them off the floor herself. This time she had to help remove them as I could see she's decided this is a really cute idea. Sorry to have to spoil the fun :(

Cooking!

2010-02-12T10:00:00.001-06:00

Jessie loves to help me cook. She sometimes really likes to cook in her kitchen. Lately, she wants to cook (play cook) in the real kitchen, with all the real utensils. Funnels, measuring cups, pot holders, measuring spoons (translates....drag out everything in the kitchen!)......

In the past year Jessie has finally reached the level of understanding that when I ask her, "Keep it or give it away?", she has been able to help make decisions about what to get rid of when cleaning out her toys. So far we haven't made any big mistakes by relying on whatever she tells me when asked that question.

She hasn't played with her toy kitchen much lately. When she has kept getting out my real things, I've wondered if it was time to get rid of her toy kitchen. So, I asked her, "Jessie, are you tired of (a phrase she uses regularly and understands!) your kitchen? Do you want to keep it or sell it?"

She quickly and very adamantly replied, " I don't like selling!" "Keep it!" You could hear the little bit of fear in her voice. Okay. We'll wait a while, it SURE takes up a LOT of space in her room.

Bath Time Fun

2010-02-12T00:31:00.002-06:00

"Cooking"

She was pretending something about being in the "hopsital" (hospital :)

At the Doctor: Funny Jessie Moments

2010-02-07T18:49:00.000-06:00

I never quite know what Jessie will do when we are in a group setting in public. If strangers in Walmart, etc. speak to her, sometimes she doesn't speak back, sometimes it seems rude when they are being kind and making conversation. On the other hand, she is not a respecter of privacy, she doesn't understand the "rules". We were at the doctor's office for about three hours. She was very well behaved, and certainly as patient as any 8 year old could be expected to be for that length of time. From the beginning of when we first got there, every time someone else's name was called, she would say (fairly loudly), "Call my name!". I would say, most every time, "We have to wait our turn, all these other people were here first." Jessie: "No!" Next person called, same scenario, for most of the 10-15 people that were called before us. She has complete understanding of the way that works, she just doesn't like waiting her turn (does anyone?). Also, she isn't able to look around and think, ok, 5 more then my turn. Every time she thinks it might be her turn and is disappointed when it isn't. She was thrilled when they actually called her name.

Jessie drew stick figures, labeled them with family members names, wrote some words, I helped her spell some. That got old. She got bored. I realized I had dropped my phone in the car and stepped out to get it...BEFORE I GOT OUT THE DOOR, she started working the room. I saw it as soon as I stepped out, through the glass. She had a pretend Princess camera and went around the room taking everyone's picture. She did this two or three times, then waited a while till more people had come in, that hadn't been there the first round, then she had to do it all again. I am always unsure at first how people are going to react to such as that, but everyone seemed to think it was cute, most were smiling and some really got tickled with her. One lady (an acquaintance of mine) said, "She has a way of making sick people feel better."

We drew and wrote some more, she texted her Daddy and sister. There was an older gentleman sitting beside her. After she'd been texting, she pointed at him and said she wanted to text him. She knows how to go to text messaging in my phone, knows to put in the first couple letters of the name she wants, then selects the correct name and texts them. She kept saying, "I want to find his name", pointing to the nice man we'd been talking to a little. He was sitting there with his phone out and had texted someone while we were sitting there. Finally, she wasn't going to give up, so I said, "She wants to text you." He gave me a business card with his phone number on it (turns out he was a pastor :)) and I put the number in for her. She texted back and forth with him several times. He took a picture of her with his phone and sent it to her. She sent him a picture of her that was saved in my phone. Only Jessie.

Sometimes, right off the bat I am a little anxious when we get in that kind of setting, knowing she is going to get in everybody's business. Some days it is annoying that she doesn't respect the normal boundaries of strangers. Other days, like today, I can enjoy that difference.

Corinna: Answered Prayer

2010-02-04T12:51:00.000-06:00

Seeing the words "My forever family found me" above Corinna's picture on the Reece's Rainbow website....there are no words to describe how that felt for me. Overwhelmingly thankful. Definitely what Oprah calls "the ugly cry". I am thankful for the experience of praying for her and seeing God provide. This experience is a spiritual marker in MY life.

I was completely brokenhearted over Corinna. I know it was God, it wasn't me. When I first began looking at the Reece's Rainbow website I wondered how anyone ever knew the particular child God would have them adopt. There are so many. I had read that people said God put a certain child on their heart or when they saw the picture they knew they were supposed to be a part of their family. I was envious. I am always envious when someone says they have a clear word from God. I so desire that from Him. I don't mean I never get it, but I desire it more than I get it. Absolute certainty, clear direction.

I wondered if we were supposed to adopt Corinna. I won't know till I get to heaven if we missed out on a blessing there. My husband didn't feel that was what we were supposed to do. I don't know if he wasn't listening closely enough, being practical, or if that wasn't the role we were to play. I do know that at that point I knew I had to do what I could do. Pray. God allowed me to feel for her very personally, painfully, in a way that I don't that often for someone I don't personally know or have a connection to. I was asked, "Why do you keep going back to her picture and looking at it every day if there's nothing you can do?" and "Why do you do that to yourself?" One day, I will know the details of all the inner workings of what was going on. One day I will know the rest of the story. For now, I know that my prayers were used for Corinna's good and God's glory.

I know some things that aren't yet common knowledge, and I'm so thankful God put me in a position to be able to know those things. That was his gift to me. I know that what is happening for her is supernaturally God good. I know that isn't a grammatically correct sentence, but it's what needed to be said.

The Bible tells me that he collects the prayers of the saints....I know they have meaning and purpose and are pleasing to him. I am thankful that this time he let me see all the dots connected...he doesn't always work that way...but I am thankful that this time he did ....so that next time I will remember this marker, and pray, knowing it has meaning even if I don't get to see the completed picture. It will help me hold on till the next time He knows I need what only He can give.

Update on Joshua

2010-02-03T15:35:00.000-06:00

Wanted to update those of you who have been praying for Joshua. He is doing so much better; this is his 2nd day off Oxygen. Thank you so much to those of you that don't even know him that prayed for him. Now that he's perking up they're wondering how to keep him occupied! That is a good problem to have at this point. He has blown several veins and had to have his IV moved several times, we are praying now that that this IV (currently in this thumb!) will last till he is finished with antibiotics (for the pneumonia).

Thanks friends!

Prayers Needed For Our Buddy, Joshua

2010-01-30T13:05:00.000-06:00

This is a picture of Joshua, with all his babies at the hospital. I've mentioned Joshua here several times before. He and Jessie were born just three weeks apart, Jessie first. Tomorrow will be a week that Joshua has been in the hospital. He has asthma, so having the flu has made him a very, very, sick little boy. He was flown by helicopter to Children's Hospital in Birmingham on Monday, spent several days in ICU, then was doing a little better and moved to a Pulmonary Care Floor. Now he is back in a special care or ICU again. Please pray for our little buddy. From the beginning, they were having diffculty stabilizing his oxygen levels, and he now has pneumonia as well. He has a big brother and sister at home with grandparents as both his parents are at the hospital with him....four hours away. They all need our prayers.

I apologize for the picture quality, I couldn't quickly get a picture and "borrowed" one from his dad's facebook. When they were just babies and toddlers we always talked about Jessie and Joshua getting married one day. We dreamed about how they could have their own place, very near both sets of parents! Jessie was too young to hear and understand any of that at the time. When they were toddlers, their two big sisters dressed them up and performed wedding ceremonies (several times!) where they were pronounced husband and wife. I truly don't think Jessie remembers any of that; they were so young, but every since she watched the Duggar wedding on tv, then there was a wedding in our family recently, she tells us she's going to marry Joshua, in a white dress, in a church, with flowers. They have been friends from birth, hug on 1st base in baseball, and fight like siblings....who knows.

Please pray for Joshua and his family.

First Day of Coop

2010-01-26T22:39:00.000-06:00

Today was the first day of the new coop semester. My kids LIVE for it, I try to survive it! Truly, there are many things I love about it too. But, it makes for a   l o n g day on Tuesday, and once the kids get to Jordan's and Evan's grades, it is difficult to get their schoolwork done in a four day week.

Typical Coop Day: Well, it begins EARLIER than we like to start our days around here. We have always homeschooled and are spoiled by not having to rise early and be dressed and out of the house early. We left our house at 8:00 and have a 25 minute drive to the church that is our homeschool umbrella. Jordan drives us now :)  I wake Jessie sitting over her with a cup of koolaid and her Prevacid, so she can have that on an empty stomach 30 minutes before eating anything. I try to let her sleep as long as possible, since it is earlier than usual for her, but have figured out if I try to save time by having her eat on the way to save time, she usually won't, so I may have to go back to getting her up a little earlier. I digress, easily sidetracked....

This semester I signed Jessie up for four classes, 8:30-12:30. I plan to try four classes, but if it is too much, we will drop the last one.  The 8:30 class, I thought I signed up for a class about holidays, but today's class was a story, craft, and coloring.  If I had realized it would be a story type class I might have signed up at 9:30 for playdoh instead of story time. 9:30: Story time, read stories, sang couple songs and had a snack. 10:30 Song and Dance. Jessie LOVED this. The teacher owns a dance studio, so she's had a lot of experience with little people. They did a little pre-ballet (what she called it!) there was no pressure to be perfect, just fun, then did other songs that had motions and movements.  We're Going On A Bear Hunt, If You're Happy And You Know It. For me it all ran together...she loved it. 11:30 was supposed to be a Bible Class, but the teacher didn't show (!!) and helpers (including me) took the kids to an indoor soft play inside the church. Each of the classes I signed Jessie up for are geared for preschoolers, up to age 5. I have sometimes signed her up for a couple of elementary classes, it really just depends on what is offered.

Up till now, I have attended every coop class with Jessie. Every parent is required to help 1 hour of their child's coop, not necessarily in their class. I have chosen to stay with Jessie for every class. When she was younger I just didn't feel comfortable leaving her because she couldn't communicate well enough. Now, she talks a lot, and although not every word is understandable, I don't worry that she can't express her needs and wants. There's no mistaking those!! Also, I have always seen myself as the mediator between Jessie and other children, helping her to be understood.  Finally, I feel that more adults and children know her, so that maybe I can take the tiniest step back. A tiny one. Not much, just a little.  I will still take her to each class and hope to stay only for PART of each class, except for the one hour I am the committed helper. We will see :)

Evan took Communications 101, Composition, Game Time and Game of Life. Jordan took Communications 101, Composition (Essays), Biology Lab (Dissection). They LOVE coop and look forward to it so much between semesters. Having the entire day out of the house on Tuesday causes them to have to work into the summer some, and it is worth it to them. I love that they are both taking writing with a teacher that loves it, it is an area that I really can't give them what she can, so I am thankful they are getting this opportunity. I am so happy too that Jordan is getting to do Biology lab with a mom that has that background and loves science. They did microscope last semester, dissection this time. Jordan was very happy that she was paired with a boy who didn't mind being the one to touch "all the slimy dead stuff without even wearing gloves"!  In the afternoon Jordan and Evan ate lunch with their FLOW (Future Leaders Of The Wiregrass) group, had a devotion and set out for the places they would volunteer for a couple of hours. Evan was writing letters as part of a pen pal program. Jordan went to a place that ministers to a variety of people, some are homeless, some are recovering from some type of addiction. They weren't working directly with those people today, but Jordan has a heart for both of those groups of people. Mama Tina, that runs the place, made an impression on Jordan and she wants us see how we might volunteer there again later.

Since Jordan and Evan were having lunch with FLOW, it was just me and Jessie together for lunch and she got to choose where we would go. Not surprisingly, she chose Things N Wings, one of our families favorite places. After lunch, Jessie and I came home to chill for about an hour 15 minutes, then headed back to pick up Jordan and Evan. We made a quick trip to a Christian store to find Jordan a track, as she is scheduled to sing Sunday at church. Raced to Jessie's dance class, then Winn Dixie, and finally, home at about 7:00 p.m.

At lunch Jessie made my day. I told her I enjoyed having lunch with her by herself, just the two of us. I asked her if she liked it. She said, "Yes, it's a bomb". My sassy girl meant having lunch with me was THE BOMB. I wasn't 100% certain that was what she meant until at bedtime she told me french fries were a bomb. My sweet, sassy girl.

Reading

2010-01-23T01:00:00.001-06:00

I wish reading was as fun for Jessie as the Science has been. Although she's coming along nicely, it's difficult enough for her, requiring concentration she doesn't like to give, and I have to coax her along. She doesn't hate it; but she doesn't love it. I have figured out that it helps to have her start reading a story not too difficult for her, mostly words she remembers easily, then move on to a story that has words she doesn't remember as well. Then, when she's ready to quit, I offer to read her a story (from her reader), then she reads me another. The stories are short, so I'm not a slave driver, but if I don't have her read more than one we never get to new words to practice. Truly, I think the most difficult thing about homeschooling a child who has difficulty and is struggling (I have another kid who does; it's not just DS) is motivation. The trick is to find the balance of difficult enough to be making progress; but not too difficult to kill desire to keep learning. Whew, it just makes me tired.

Funny Jessie: Science lesson

2010-01-22T13:30:00.001-06:00

Jessie enjoyed all the hands on stuff we did learning about the senses so much that she wanted to do it again! It was too funny to me that she wanted to taste lemon juice again...she DOES NOT like it at all, but went right to the refrigerator to taste lemon juice and give the garlic a sniff too. Today's new part of the lesson was about ears and skin. So, while standing in the fridge, we used that opportunity to talk about that we could HEAR with our EARS the fan on the refrigerator, and FEEL with our SKIN that the refrigerator was cold, and the shelf was hard. Hard and soft is a concept we've covered and she understands, but not talking about skin. Skin is a difficult concept as it's all over your body. I think when I'm pointing and saying skin, she's thinking, arm, leg, knee, etc. We listened for all the sounds we could hear: the dog's toenails walking on the floor, the fan in the bathroom and anything else we could think of. It is much clearer to her, but she can still get tripped up by the language I choose, if I phrase things too differently. At least she's enjoying the learning!

Abeka Kindergarten Science: God's World

2010-01-20T08:00:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I pulled out an old Abeka Kindergarten Science book that I used with Jordan, (who is in the 10th grade now!), long, long ago. I haven't done any formal Science curriculum with Jessie up until this point, we've just read some books from the library that would be about topics that fit into the science category. That is in addition to the trillion books we own. I'm planning to simplify it for her a bit and not do all of the activities that are in the teachers book but she is ready for this now.

The first topic in the book is about Our Senses. Before yesterday, when we've discussed it, Jessie couldn't consistently tell me which part of her body helped her to see, smell, taste, etc. We have to get pretty silly and make it fun, but today she can tell you that her eyes help her see, her nose is what is used to smell, and her tongue is what you use to taste. I would cover her eyes to help her "see" that it is her eyes that help her see. We smelled minced garlic, the kind refrigerated in a jar....gross! It was very strong smelling. We gave a sniff to a couple of other food items that had different smells and talked about smelling flowers, etc. The funniest thing was when I put a couple drops of lime juice on her tongue! I think she now not only realizes that her tongue is what she tastes with, but the distinct difference between sweet and sour. After the lime juice, she tasted/ate some mini marshmallows which she loves.

The book is broken into 6 sections. The book has a mixture of cartoon looking pictures/drawings and actual photographs. The topics covered in this science book are:

God's Plan for Me
The senses, brief overview about safety, what we need to grow, personal hygiene. This is exactly on Jessie's level. It is written in very simple language that I think an advanced typical kindergardener/1st grader can read on their own. Each topic is just one page, with large colorful pictures.

God's Plan for Weather
Very basic. Makes the connection between weather and the clothing you wear. Picture of a thermometer and simple understanding of it's use.

God's Plan for Seasons
We have talked a good bit about seasons and I'm waiting for the puzzle pieces to just fit together. Hoping this be a good addition to help with that. Again, it is simple, and that is good for us.

God's Plan for Seeds
We've read a little before about seeds, it has had no meaning for her. There are pictures of fruit with seeds in them (I've never thought about labeling that for her before!) Probably, we will study this section when we can plant some seeds and help her to understand.

God's Plan for Animals
Discusses animal homes, what they eat (basic, not too detailed). A couple pages about the most common (5) insects, spiders, zoo animals, farm animals, birds and reptiles.

God's Plan for the Seashore
Seashells, crabs, starfish, seahorse, sand dollars, sea gulls. She's read about these things b4. There are few enough topics that she could actually learn this material.

I've had this book forever, and it seems that she is in just the right place now to learn about these things. The book is colorful and interesting and after we read/did it yesterday, she wanted to do it again today. Yay! I am actually excited about this. We may decide to get some library books about each of these topics, but will probably wait until later after this book is complete. I very much like the simplicity of this book and want to keep it that way.

My purpose in giving this thorough description is in hopes that if you are looking for a source to cover this material, if you aren't able to get your hands on a copy to look at it, you would be able to evaluate it by reading this review. Hope this helps someone!

LUKE HAS A FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-19T14:43:00.000-06:00

Luke, that I blogged about recently, has a family that has committed to adopt him. It was major rejoicing/silly victory dancing at my house! Ok, I was the one doing all the silliness, but my kids had known about Luke and were excited to hear about it too. If not adopted, he was destined to be transferred to an institution that doesn't allow the children to be adopted. This probably would have happened next month, as that is when his birthday is. Thank each of you that may have prayed for him and that might have passed on the word!!! Gotta go now as Jessie is in the tub and hollering my name, "Mom, come here!", "I need more water", " want to bathe", every 30 seconds a new announcement but I had to let you know!

93% of people won't repost this, will you?

2010-01-19T09:38:00.001-06:00

Wondering if anyone else feels the way I do about all the status updates on Facebook where you are taunted with the fact that 93% won't repost this, will you? Many of them are about being Christian. I GET the idea that we should be willing to acknowledge our faith, that (reposting) just isn't the way I prefer to do it. Often my status is about my faith....it is so important to me in my everyday life that talking about it in person or on facebook, wherever, is natural. What we say ALL THE TIME is out of the overflow of our heart. I can't help it, but those statuses daring you to repost or feel like a jerk, feel a little like bullying to me. I 100% know that isn't the intent of the person sending it, they have probably NEVER given it the level of thought I am giving it, that would be because I analyze all things to an annoying degree, even to me!

Having said that, anytime someone posts an authentic, individual post about their faith, that is always meaningful to me. Today, people are desperately looking for THE REAL THING and we desperately need to HAVE and BE the real thing. Many people will repost a precomposed status...who don't live a distinctively Christian life. Many that live a distinctively Christian life don't need to repost that status for you to know they love their Savior. I'm not talking about going to church. I'm not talking about participating in Christian events. There are people that within moments of knowing them you know they love their Savior. I want to be one of those people.

So, for the record, I love my Savior. He is as real, and living, and present to me today, as anyone that I can touch, and see and hear. It wasn't always so for me. I live every day now so very thankful that when I asked, "If you are real, show yourself to me, prove yourself to me, I want to believe." that he was faithful to do that.

Buy A T-Shirt To Help Orphans in Africa and Haiti

2010-01-17T21:13:00.003-06:00

Only a couple of months ago I learned of the site 147 Million Orphans. Any time you purchase clothing from them you help feed a child in Africa. I love that the front of the shirts (almost all of them) say 147 million orphans and on the back is Feed 1. By purchasing the shirt you are doing just that, how easy is that? Click here to read more about the feeding program. Theirs is an amazing ministry. It doesn't sound like purchasing a tshirt would generate enough profit to be very helpful...that is because we are thinking of the cost of a meal here. They can provide a healthy meal for 15 cents and a weeks worth of meals for $2.10, less than the cost of a happy meal. So a tshirt really can make a difference. For the next four weeks 50% of all purchases will go to help an orphanage in Haiti. I'd already been trying to decide which shirt to order and finally ordered my shirt today.

There are 3 blogs associated with this ministry to Uganda. I have been reading Katie's blog for a few weeks now. She is only 21 and is mom to 12 adopted girls in Uganda. Did you get that I said she is 21? Get your tissue ready before you visit her blog...but not for the reason you might be thinking. I have loved reading her blog. My eyes are soaked, but my heart is inspired to be more like her when I grow up. Her heart, her perspective and writing are unique. Although she does tell of difficult circumstances, you can tell by reading she is one of the most joyful people you would ever meet. Every single time I read her blog I am encouraged and inspired. When I say I want to be like her, I mean completely available to God and tuned in, clearly hearing His direction, willing to be obedient, joyful in whatever task He assigns.

I first read her recent post about her daughter Grace (a must read!) and a few entries that came before it. I then decided that I had to know how she came to be doing what it is she is doing. I have finished reading through 2007 and am now reading 2008. What was wonderful to see was that God lead her one step at a time, she didn't instantly become mother to 12 (it may actually be 14 now, that is unclear to me) and she didn't know all of his plan when she went to Uganda. She makes herself available to him and He is using her in a mighty way.

The other two blogs are by by moms Gwen and Suzanne who run things here in the states, who are neighbors with Katies parents in TN, and both have or are in process of adopting children from where Katie is. Between the two of them they have 13 children. It is amazing how God has brought these people together and the stories they have to tell.

Be prepared to be inspired! Don't get sidetracked and forget to buy a shirt!

Sweet Big Brother

2010-01-16T00:15:00.000-06:00

Evan has always been a sweet big brother, the sweetest, but watching some of the ways he has played along with Jessie's pretending this week has been the sweetest thing ever. This big maturing boy, who will be 14 in two months, who looks more like a man every day, has pretended to visit different hotels (going from one bedroom to another was going to different hotels), helped dress baby dolls, pretended Jessie had a baby (you just go to the hospital or hotel to get one!) pretended Jessie adopted a baby (she obviously has overheard much conversation about adoption lately!), um, had to tend to the baby doll on baby potty after Jessie gave her a bottle, he routinely has to be Jessie's dance partner. Now, don't get some crazy impression that Evan LIKES to do these things, but he knows that it means a lot to Jessie and makes her happy. I left the three kids home together while I was gone several hours last week for a board meeting for our FRIENDS group. I had hoped that Jordan and Evan would spend some time playing with Jessie AND spend some time getting their homeschool work done. When I got home and asked about their school work, they had spent much of their time snuggling, tickling and playing with Jessie. How can I complain about that?

I asked Evan to write as a writing assignment the other day a letter for our new parent packet that includes stories from siblings who have a brother or sister with Down syndrome. This paper surely needs some editing, some perfecting (he's ALWAYS hated to write, period) but the heart he expresses toward his baby sister is pure and sweet and loving. I am so proud of the young man he is becoming. Below are his words:

Well my mother asked me to write about how my life is impacted by my little sister having down syndrome. To me, having Jessie (my sister with down syndrome) as a sister is one of the greatest things that could have happened in my life, and I truly believe that. Having Jessie as a sister has really made me have to grow up a bit faster, most brothers and sisters don't have to worry about an eight year old getting out of the house and accidentally hurting themselves. I think that it is good for me that I've had to take the more responsibility that I have, it has matured me a considerable amount. I would say that having a sibling with down syndrome is a good thing, they are smart, funny, entertaining, and most of all extremely lovable. For all the teenagers out there that think that having a sibling with down syndrome will not leave you enough time for your social life you're wrong, having a sibling with down syndrome just means that you will have to spend a little more time worrying about the needs of them instead of yourself. If I could change Jessie from being special to a normal kid, I wouldn't do it for the world I love Jessie just the way she is, to me Jessie is awesome. To several people I know Jessie is awesome to them and they see nothing wrong with her.

This was a first draft that has corrections that need to be made, but is an accurate picture of the way he feels about her. When he says others don't have to worry about a sister getting out and hurting themselves...we have a pool in the back and Jessie a couple of times has stepped out the front door without us realizing it (she wasn't going anywhere but was in the front yard) so we are nuts about keeping the doors chained or listening for the door. When he describes her as lovable, I think he truly means lovable...not loving as you hear others describe people with DS. Calling her special....he hears us use the words special needs...he considers her special as an individual but isn't referring to her as special in the ways some use it (I don't think). "To several people I know Jessie is awesome to them and they see nothing wrong with her." Funny to me, the words of a 13 year old boy...nothing wrong with her? The heart of this 13 year old boy by his words and actions every day is this....I wouldn't change Jessie if I could..I love Jessie just the way she is, to me Jessie is awesome. I wouldn't change Evan if I could either...I love him just the way he is, to me he is awesome.

For the love of Luke

2010-01-09T15:19:00.000-06:00

My good friend Heather has been burdened for a little orphan named Luke in the same way that I have been for Corinna. He like Corinna, is in Ukraine. He is five and will soon be six. His photo has already been moved to the Older Boys (over 6). Unlike Corinna, however, when he is soon sent to an institution from the orphanage where he currently is, he CAN NEVER BE ADOPTED. I know that I don't have a huge amount of readers on this blog....but you never know what God can use. If any of you reading have a way to spread the word about little Luke before it is too late...please do so. You can see Luke by clicking here. There is currently over $5,000 in the Older Boys grant fund that will be used to help fund the adoption of the next older boy. I believe that is a result of the Christmas Angel Tree fundraiser; $5,000 is a great start! Please help us pray and spread the word to help find a forever family for Luke.

Back 2 School....The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

2010-01-05T19:13:00.000-06:00

We started back to school yesterday. I had dreaded it. Not the actual schooling, just the loss of down time and having no schedule to keep. I have mourned it, that's for sure! I did start the day yesterday feeling refreshed, with a real sense of purpose and managed to keep my energizer self going all day...loads and loads of laundry, paying bills, clearing out 2009 files of bills, school with Jessie, made the kind of phone calls I HATE and always put off (making appointments and checking on medical bills and homeowners insurance) an easy but cooked (not sandwiches, etc. I mean!) supper of spaghetti, bread and salad. We managed to go to bed with the house tidy, dishes clean, ready for the next day. I woke up Tuesday thinking, "Are you kidding me? I've got to do all that again?!" So......today was good but no energizer bunny.

Today when we were studying her spelling words, Jessie was so stinkin cute. I wish I had a video of it, I'm just not that high tech to get it on here. I know, however, in retelling it, it can never be as cute. There were a couple of words she had learned but forgotten (from and name). I would ask her how to spell the word and she would react a little bit frustrated. I would cover the written word with my hand, then allow her to sneak a peek. She would quickly try to remember it. Then I would cover it and she would spell it. High fives every time she got it right. We were giggling and having such a good time with it. She (and I) love it when we can make it into a game. We reviewed the words is, my, Boo (our dog's name) from, love, name and introduced did and it.

Jessie's dance class started back today and gymnastics starts back Thursday. Officially back to normal routine. I was so pleased as I watched to see how in the 3 months or so she has been doing this, how much better she is at walking on her toes. As part of the dance they walk on their toes in a circle. When she first started she could barely stay on her toes at all and keep her balance, now she can stay up for the whole time! She still has a ways to go on learning to skip. She doesn't enjoy dance as much as gymnastics but it is so good for her. She does enjoy getting to see all the girls each week. It is a class just for kids with special needs.

Hope all are having a good New Year so far!

Taking A Break

2009-12-30T20:53:00.061-06:00

We have enjoyed our Christmas break so much!! Ah, the freedom! Sleeping in for two weeks now...slower pace, staying in my jammies a FEW days. It has been SO heavenly. I hate for it to end. In fact, I dread Monday when we will start homeschooling again. Please don't misunderstand!!! I would choose nothing else over homeschooling, but any way you look at it, it is work. We have homeschooled since Jordan was 4, thinking at that time we would be preparing her to start kindergarten the next year at a Christian school. She's in the 10th grade now, Evan is in the 8th and Jessie is always happen to announce, "I'm first grade!". Although in the younger years we never said this is forever, I think it is safe to say now that we're in it till the end. A couple years ago I saw an article in HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association) that was titled, "How Long Are You In For?" with a picture of a person inside a cell, looking out through the bars. I've been IN for a long time now! I feel so certain that this is the path that we are supposed to be on...but at the moment I'm just tired. Anemia might have something to do with that! When we are out for the summer, I read books about homeschooling, research to see what materials would be best for the upcoming school year, work on projects around the house that simply can't get done in the school year, purchase books for the next year, try to sell those we're done with. I always have a list of things I want to accomplish when we are out for Christmas Break and Spring Break too. Whether we are in school or on break, my mind is always thinking of what all needs to be done. I'm sure many moms can relate, whether you homeschool or not...when I'm home...it is difficult to truly relax...even if I am doing "relaxing things" my mind is so busy. The first week of our Christmas break there was much to do in preparation for Christmas. This week, although we have certainly done things around the house, I have rebelled against that feeling of "I must be doing something productive every minute I am home!" Jordan and I have shopped, we have enjoyed watching movies together and tv shows. Today I tickled Jessie till she peed in her panties, Oops! I knew we were going to have "tickle time" so I prepared in advance by taking her to the potty, but we just had too much fun. Jordan, Jessie and I talked, and tickled and snuggled, then did it all again. I wish Evan had been around for that but he was wrapped up in Xbox. Yesterday, I didn't let him play Xbox all day so that he would hang out with us. We alternated doing some things around the house and taking time to watch tv and play. I have enjoyed this time with my kids so much. We do some of these things all the time, but this week I was different. I have allowed myself to relax. There are several things I had hoped to accomplish this week that I haven't yet, but I am trying to be o.k. with it.

There are four more days left till school starts back....If you take out Sunday (when we have to get dressed in the am) there are three. I hope to spend a fair amount of those three days in my jammies....

Christmas: Funny Jessie Moments

2009-12-26T00:20:00.001-06:00

When Jessie was opening her gifts and the little things in her stocking, she would so sweetly say Thank you Mommy, Thank you Daddy, for even the tiniest of little prizes in her stocking (even though we told her those things were from Santa!). The same kid who was so sweetly thankful was really ticked off when the unwrapping was over! She enjoyed so much the surprise and anticipation of what was in the next package...she hated to see it end. She has really enjoyed all of her gifts this year (so far anyway), and I'm really happy about that. So often it is hard to tell if there will be more than momentary interest. She loved feeding her Baby Born a bottle and she didn't mind when she tee-teed on the floor cause she had taken the diaper off. She loved putting her in the new doll playpen and playing with her new baby and all the new baby accessories. It was so sweet to watch her "mommy" her baby.
Same sweet child yesterday said to someone "Stupid Liar!". Now, she's heard both of those words here, unfortunately, however I'm pretty sure they weren't said together like that. Although she of course can't be allowed to say that, I am impressed with her level of understanding. We are a family that greatly enjoys humor and sarcastic wit (truly not to be unkind). She appropriately used the words stupid liar, after someone said something she didn't believe. I could not stifle the laugh that came out, she said it with such dry humor(no expression at all!)....if she does it again I will be able to deal with it appropriately, but the unexpectedness of it was funny.

Our family (with extended family) almost always goes to a movie on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day. Everyone wanted to see the new Chipmunk movie except Jessie. Sometimes cartoon characters are scary to her and she said the movie was scary, that she didn't want to go, she wanted to stay home. She usually loves to go to the movies, even if it is a movie that is more adult, that she doesn't entirely "get". She was unbudging for a while though that she wanted to stay home. Finally, Aunt Pam asked if she could bribe her with popcorn. After I said yes and she asked Jessie if she would want to go to the movies if we get popcorn, Jessie said "and cherry Coke?" Sold. To the movies we were going. Jessie has pretty significant reflux, so carbonated beverages are something we have figured out that needs to be a rare treat. She's a really good negotiater!! She ended up with a blue slushee at the movie, (her choice) and ended up really enjoying the movie, especially the parts where they danced. She loves to watch dancing.

At the movies, while I was purchasing our tickets Jessie handed the guy a piece of paper with a bunch of names written on it. Before we had left home she had told me this was her movie ticket. I relayed this to the young man taking my debit card as he was looking like he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with he paper she had given him. Before we left the desk, I put the "ticket" back in my purse. Whew! Glad I did. At the time, none of us knew inside the piece of paper (which was folded into 1/4 size) was a dollar bill. Jessie later kept asking about her dollar and none of us had known it was folded in the paper. When she kept asking about her ticket, I pulled the paper out...instant happiness...I guess in her mind the dollar was to pay for her ticket, but she preferred to get to keep her money and spend ours!

These are just a few tidbits of the way Jessie has entertained us and kept us on our toes this Christmas season!

It's nineteen minutes after midnight...but it still feels like Christmas, so Merry Christmas!

To: Gracey From : Jessie

2009-12-24T00:39:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, Jessie wanted to wrap a gift for Gracey. I didn't understand before what it was she wanted, or I had something for Gracey she could have wrapped. I was busy doing something else and didn't really pay attention to what she was doing until she was finished. Jessie found in her room, a musical Cinderella jewelry box and wrapped it for her friend. I SO wish I had gotten a picture. She took white paper (because mean mommy didn't understand what she was doing when she asked, and didn't give her real wrapping paper, she improvised and made her own!) and snipped all the edges in a decorative way, like we have done before to "make grass" out of the paper. She used 2 or 3 pieces of paper, snipping the edges of each piece and "wrapped" Gracey's gift, and wrote her name on it. She went to a drawer where I keep bows and ribbons and found 2 colorful bows to put on top. One was bright yellow, and one purple. Such a labor of true love. Today Gracey came over to play and Jessie gave it to her.

A few months ago, when they first started to occasionally play together, after a short while Jessie would come in the living room and want to watch t.v. It's almost like she just couldn't play cooperatively or pay attention for a long time at once. She loved Gracey so, and would beg for her to come over then wouldn't stay engaged for very long. Well, no more! Monday, Jessie played with Gracey for hours non stop. Same thing again today. Barbie's, babies, McDonalds, Gracey read to Jessie. Jessie's friendship with Gracey has been such a blessing. It's been interesting to watch; now Gracey mostly understands what Jessie says, but if she doesn't, then like the rest of us, just kind of keeps going along as though she had understood.

Some of the things I allow Jessie to do, I would never have let my other kids do..at least not without fussing about it. Every since we wrapped gifts together a couple of weeks ago, Jessie has been very interested in the tape. She's wasted much of it; but, it has helped her to learn to get the tape off the dispenser (some of the time) without it being wadded up. Today, she and Gracey probably folded 25 pieces of notebook paper (each only had a few words on it) in half then taped them. Bunch of wasted paper and tape, BUT we've worked on folding papers in half and this is her way of practicing. Much less expensive than an OT session!

Jessie has really been into creating things lately; it really seemed to take off after the art class she had at coop last semester. One of her Christmas gifts is going to be a set of the clear drawers filled with art supplies. White paper (a whole ream all her own!), construction paper, and other art supplies that she can have access to anytime she wants. In the past I have kept the scissors put up, but am thinking I'll let her have some in there, hoping I don't regret that one!

I've been sewing today while Jessie was playing with Gracey, trying to finish 3 pillowcase dresses I was making as Christmas gifts for my little nieces. I'm trying to convince myself that I still have energy to do some wrapping now...

Merry CHRISTmas!

Jessie's new infatuations...Mouthwash and Go Fish

2009-12-19T12:01:00.001-06:00

Jessie is such a funny girl. She doesn't mind brushing her teeth, but she doesn't love it either. Mainly she doesn't like to do it because it interrupts something else she is doing that she likes better, often that is watching t.v.! All that is now changed because of her "mouthwash", at least for now. The dentist recommended (actually a couple of visits ago) that we try using the flouride mouthwash. Jessie has had 3 cavities in the last year or so and before that had none, ever. This flouride rinse has a built in little measuring cup in the top to dispense the right amount. Although Jessie can't do the whole process entirely on her own without spilling it, she loves squeezing the bottle to get it to dispense, pouring (with help) into a little cup, swishing it around (so funny to watch her face) then out with a big spit. Thinking of the whole thing now it reminds me of my coffee rituals; such a simple thing and yet it brings me such pleasure!

The other night when we played cards when the youth were at our house, it got the kids and I interested in playing cards again, something we hadn't done much in a while. We taught Jessie to play Go Fish the next day. She so wants to be a part of everything we are doing. The other games we played are too complicated for her to learn at this point, so I taught her to play Go Fish. She doesn't fully comprehend the game, and has to have reminders, but she is loving it and wants to play every day. Right now she is playing with Jordan in the living room. I love listening to them, Jordan patiently instructing. What a precious big sister she is.

In the End...A Good Day

2009-12-18T00:45:00.000-06:00

Today was one of those days that throughout the day, as the day went on, my opinion of the day continued to change.

As homeschoolers we don't HAVE to be up and out early every day, so I find it difficult to stay on as good of a schedule as we should. The closer we get to time for a school break...the later AND LATER the kids tend to sleep. It seems since Jordan and Evan got to be teenagers ALL they want to do is sleep. Some days they are only up what seems a short time before they are falling asleep. This greatly ANNOYS their mother! Myself included, as we get close to an extended school break (Christmas, spring break, summer) we get up later and later. They didn't have much school work to do today, they each only have a couple of things to complete before they can be free till about January 4th. When I have let them sleep late, I appreciate productivitity and plenty of it once they are up. We were having a Youth Christmas Party at our house tonight. Although there are only a few of us (in the youth group)...house prep wise...it takes the same amount of time! Today we needed to clean our house, wash lots of bedding (where our scaredy cat dog peed on the bed while we were gone and it was storming), make a deliciously decadent peanut butter and chocolate dessert, make dip, sloppy joes and some minor cleaning.

I don't know if other mom's feel the same (and I'd be interested to know!) but I'm constantly rating myself as a mother..based on the actions of my children. When I couldn't get things done like they needed to be earlier in the day..I was feeling like such a failure, that my kids wouldn't be able to manage their homes when they are adults. At one point, (speaking loudly!) I told them when they were adults and their homes were a disorganized mess that it would be my fault because I hadn't made them stick to a cleaning schedule (by not imposing consistent consequences)! My kids help a lot around the house...they are very good helpers, BUT the house does not run like a well oiled machine like I wish it did. If we followed the chore schedule on our refrigerator, our house should regularly be tidy and clean enough to not have to spend tons of time getting ready to have company. We simply cannot seem to stick to that schedule!

This is an area I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. Before we had kids, it was pretty easy to clean everything that needing doing on a Saturday. Then, there was noone to be destroying something new while you are cleaning something else..that would be my sweet Jessie. These days, it seems we have so much going on, that it is impossible to truly stay on top of things (to a comfortable, not perfect level!) and that drives me bonkers. I did too much for them when they were younger, and didn't make them develop and stick with good habits that would help things stay more tidy. The first three fourths of the day I spent feeling like I haven't prepared my kids to run a home of their own....FAIL.

The last part of the day we finished (last minute) the things we needed to do. We ate a simple supper off our beautiful Christmas dishes (that I'd recently bought at a yard sale, never had Christmas dishes before!). Candles lit everywhere. I love candles everywhere, it makes my husband very nervous, all those "open flames" as he calls them. Makes everything smell so good. Enjoyed our time with the youth (3 besides mine!) playing cards for a while with my kids even after everyone else left. At the end of the day I thought how we enjoyed being together and what great kids they really are....even if they are slobs. There are many other areas where I am so very proud of my kids. I truly not only love them, but like them as well. I try to remind myself of these things when I think of these weak areas, in which I may never excel....or pass on to them what I wish. In the end...A good day. Rotten kids....

P.S. this post was actually from yesterday, I just didn't get it finished! I'm not sure why I felt compelled to share this particularly unflattering information about myself and my family... I probably own more books about organization and scheduling than anyone I know. I realize I am rambling again, sorry! Felt therapeutic though...

Christmas' Past and Christmas Present

2009-12-11T08:00:00.000-06:00

I had just mentioned to Jordan on Thanksgiving day how we used to always get a real tree the day after Thanksgiving...she doesn't really remember that, for several years now we've had an artificial one. It was partly for convenience and partly for money savings that we made the switch. Reading another mom's blog about that same thing made me take a trip down memory lane into Christmas' Past....

In the early years of our marriage (December 3rd was our 21st anniversary!) we had some pitiful, real Christmas trees. I remember one particular real "Charlie Brown Christmas Tree". We had gone to a relative of Julian's and cut down a cedar tree. The limbs were so weak they could barely hold up the ornaments, they were all weighted down. To top it all off we had a cat that would try to play with the ornaments and the flimsy tree stand we had at the time...many times we came home from work with the tree lying on the floor where the cat had pulled it over. The next year we got a little smarter and found a tree stand with a much wider base, it held a lot more water. We didn't realize if we filled it up all the way the water would get stale and were wondering, "What IS that smell...Oh!!"

I remember we lived in a little one bedroom apartment then...Julian going to college (mornings) and working full time. He worked at the airport from some time in the afternoon till 11 or 12. A lot of nights I would take supper to him and to get a chance to see him, as I worked during the day. It was during this time of him being gone so much between school and work that I wanted a dog for companionship. When he didn't want one, I said, "A dog or a baby!". We got a puppy, toy poodle!

After the poor college days, we were able to afford nicer, real fir trees and loved going to choose the perfect one. We started out getting them at a tree farm, then later years started getting them from different charitable organizations around here that always sold them. At some point it began to seem like more work than fun, getting rid of the tree after Christmas, and the clean up of needles. The year we purchased our artificial tree Jay was out of work and it seemed practical to get a tree that could be reused and they were on sale. We bought a prelit tree, problem with that is I could only find one prelit with white lights and the kids loved colored lights. We add colored lights to the already white lit tree. A bit redneck?

Since none of the kids can remember the tree shopping from years past, I am feeling compelled to consider a real tree next year. We'll see.....

Christmas Crazy!!

2009-12-10T19:55:00.000-06:00

Jessie is driving me crazy! She wants Jordan and Daddy to open the gifts she wrapped for them. So far they are the only ones with gifts under the tree. It was such fun for her to wrap them and it is just killing her for them to be there....she wants to see them open them. She went on and on and ON about it last night till finally I told Jay to open one of his, hoping that would appease her. She was extra tired at that point and I hoped today it wouldn't feel as "fresh" and she would think about it less. Nope. A few minutes ago, Jordan and I talked with her about it again, how it is just December 10th, that it has to be December 25th to be Christmas. That she would wake up and everyone open their gifts together and Mommy would take pictures (and put them on the blog!)....she is temporarily satisfied. I hope it lasts!

Wrapping Gifts shhhhh, it's really OT

2009-12-09T23:16:00.001-06:00

It's been odd today not having Jordan and Evan around. They were able to go with the FLOW group (Future Leaders of the Wiregrass, a volunteer group within our homeschool group) to the Operation Christmas Child warehouse in Atlanta Ga. to help pack/check shoeboxes. Jay took them at 6:30 this morning, they had roughly a 4 hour drive to get there. I think there were 14 7th-12th graders going. They were working two 4hour shifts and spending a night in a hotel, and will be home late afternoon tomorrow. It has been so quiet in the house today. I always think of Jessie as being the noisy one, but without Jordan and Evan here for her to play with, aggravate, instigate trouble...it has been way TOO quiet.

Jessie and I wrapped some gifts today, the first ones that have been wrapped this year. It is so slow, letting her "help", and I don't always have the patience for it, but today it wasn't so much about getting them wrapped as it was letting her do it. We had such a sweet time together. She cut ziggedy zag (these gifts are all for our immediate family), wrinkled the tape as she pulled it off...and all the things that CAN make me crazy. Today I was determined to let her do as much of it as she wanted and take the time needed. It was precious time spent together. She chose the paper, bags and color of tissue. She has a very distinct opinion of her own, which always tickles me. She writes too large to fit on the regular tags so she made homemade ones for the gifts. Last year she learned to spell the word to and learned how to make a colon from making homemade gift tags. She is also very happy to practice handwriting on something like this that feels useful and necessary. Jessie has a love hate relationship with the tape dispenser! She doesn't really have the control to do it perfectly, but has definitely improved. I had taken Jordan shopping and let her choose some clothes that are some of her Christmas gifts. I want them under the tree, but she choose them and knows what they are. Instead of wrapping them the usual way, we used white gift boxes and Jessie put lots of pretty Christmas stickers on the box. Jessie's ability with stickers has improved so much, but some stickers, especially small ones are still a bit of a booger.

I had planned to accomplish a lot more around the house today, but my back bothered me all day and I never could get the burst of energy I was looking for. After a somewhat lazy day at home, Jessie and I met Jay for a quick supper at at the Taco Shop (where none of us ate anything Mexican!) before racing to church.

I'll end this post with a sweet thing that happened at church. Jessie, Gracey, (I posted about their friendship before) and Grady wanted to walk across the parking lot into the grass to look at a Nativity scene. Jessie can step off the curb by herself but it makes her a little nervous, especially in the dark. They were headed that way together then Jessie stopped and Gracey after a minute realized Jessie wasn't with them. Without a word said she walked back to Jessie held out her hand to her, Jessie took her hand, stepped down the curb and off they went. Her mother says she wishes she was as kind to her twin brother! When they walked off their mom (Heather) told me something Gracey had asked her recently. Gracey asked, "Does Santa bring presents to kids with Down syndrome too?" Heather said "Yes". Gracey then asked, "What if they are naughty?" Heather replied, "it's the same as for you" to which Gracey responded, "that's not fair!" The love for Jessie in that statement, wanting to be sure Santa was sweet to her friend was a sweet ending to our already sweet day.

Visiting the Nursing Home

2009-12-09T13:40:00.001-06:00

Yesterday we went to a nearby nursing home to decorate 4 doors of patients there. It was our church youth group (I am 1 of their 2 teachers) and Jessie went with us. We are a small group, there were 4 youth (2 are my 2 teens!) and 2 others couldn't be there yesterday. I was just a little anxious taking Jessie, wondering if she would be willing to let us decorate the doors or be a distraction wanting to wander away and explore. She was SO sweet. The Wednesday night before the youth had designed/glued dollar store decorations to vinyl table cloths and we hung them on the doors with packing tape. They turned out really nice. Jessie felt personally in charge of giving the Christmas cards that they had all signed. A couple of the ladies weren't in their rooms and we had to leave the cards for them, Jessie wanted to SEE the recipients.

One of the ladies had Alzheimer's. She told us she was going home tomorrow, but that they would probably change the date again. She said she was lonely and wanted to go home. I know this made an impression on my kids. We want to kind of "adopt" this nursing home as a project and go back and play games (dominoes, checkers, etc.)

We enjoyed doing the doors and hope they add a little CHRISTmas cheer!

Giving...it feels awfully good...except when it hurts

2009-12-08T10:11:00.002-06:00

Last night I was able to make donations to the Reece's Rainbow Christmas Angel Tree. I gave for 2 children...one was a child that I've been following the mom's blog. I know that it was hard for them to commit initially to adopting, because of the cost. They are counting on God to provide since He has called them to this task. It made me feel so good to know that my donation might put them a tiny step closer to them bringing home their new daughter. The second child/group, I gave to the older child fund that includes one little girl that has stolen my heart. I have become her prayer warrior (through Reece's Rainbow) and I pray for her everyday and think of her constantly. Her picture is on my refrigerator, but I don't have to have my eyes open to see it. I worry that even if someone (wish it could be me) tries to rescue her...that it might not come soon enough. She has been in an institution for 2 years, most don't survive there that long. When Jessie and I say prayers together at night, we pray for her. Last night was the first time Jessie said her name...the way she pronounced it I will think of often now...so sweet.

There a million good causes and at times it feels overwhelming to me. I shared with my husband last night though, I KNOW God put this one on MY heart. He knew how different this one would be for me because of Jessie. Some days the burden for Corinna hurts so much I can hardly stand it. I love a little girl so much that I have never met. The truth is God knew and I know, that if it didn't hurt this way I would be less faithful in praying for her. Sometimes it is hard to be faithful when we can't see any results, or know that we truly make a difference. Last night when I made the donations online, that felt GOOD!!!!!!!! Every day when I pray for Corinna, just as important, doesn't feel so good at all, it hurts, but is just as vital. So, giving...it feels awfully good...except when it hurts.

Thanksgiving Weekend Pictures

2009-12-01T12:55:00.000-06:00

Jordan and Evan with their cousins Aaron and Keith on Thanksgiving...their idea of fun: Rock Band

Jessie with my sister-in-law's sister-in-law, (a mouthful!) Debbie . This is the pillowcase

dress I made her. You can't see the fabric all that well, it is so cute with pilgrims, Indians, pumpkins!

Playing ball IN THE KITCHEN!! with Cousin Emily

Jessie's favorite thing to do with Daddy is "box"! She's watched too much boxing with Daddy.

I took the cutest video of them boxing, but haven't learned how to upload that yet.

He was able to get her to snuggle him for a minute instead while he was watching football.

Sweet sisters. Jessie sleeps with Jordan and has for a few months now. She used to

sleep with us. Jordan is ready now for Jessie to sleep in her own bed, but none of us have

been up for that battle yet. Jessie snuggles Jordan over to the edge and throws her leg over her.

Boo sleeps with the girls too, and sometimes one of our 2 cats.

Sweet Boo, a dog that now knows it is good to love and be loved.

Black Friday

2009-11-28T01:35:00.000-06:00

A long, good day. We headed out about 9:30 this morning...I know...not serious Black Friday shoppers. There just weren't any deals that I thought warranted getting up at the crack of dawn. First, there were four of us, me and all three kids. We found Evan a pair of jeans pretty quickly and my nephew came and rescued him from the mall. He only went with me because the boy did not own one pair of jeans. He was wearing shorts every week day and khakis to church on Sunday. The only thing that will likely change is he will wear jeans on Sunday....once in a while he will otherwise wear his jeans. He definitely has his father's thermostat and not his mother's.

Jessie did amazingly well for how long we shopped. Got to the mall at 10:00 and didn't leave till 6:40. Thankfully, we had borrowed a stroller. She had gotten too big for the one we had and we haven't yet gotten a special needs stroller, which I think we will break down and do hopefully very soon. She just doesn't have endurance for a lot of walking or standing. She gets in and out every couple of minutes. Takes a little rest, gets out a while. The main shopping we did today was to let Jordan pick out some clothes for me to get her for Christmas. I really wish I could surprise her but truly it works best to let her pick out and try on most of her clothes. We did that last year for the first time....she's been asking me for days if we could do that again this year, that it was one of her favorite gifts last year. We don't buy bunches of clothes, we are pretty thrifty, so we don't usually shop for and buy several pieces at once, so this was a real treat. I enjoyed it too.

Jessie of course likes to think it's all about her (which it usually is, but today wasn't) so she had to try on a lot of clothes Jordan took in the dressing room. She'd tell me, "I need a medium" or "I need large"! Truly, what made the day such a success in Jessie's eyes was getting to eat Chick-Fil-A twice in one day.

We went to the movies straight from the mall to see THE BLIND SIDE. We were meeting friends there, we were inside looking for seats while they were in line to get tickets. It sold out just before they could get tickets so we traded our tickets for the 9:00 showing. This confused Jessie; we had some serious talking to do to get her to believe we were coming back to the movies, this same day, that we were gonna come back so we could get to sit with Joshua. Whew! So we went to Atlanta Bread and got something to eat till time for the movie. It's been a while since I've seen a movie I loved that much. I hadn't known anything about the story till the movie came out but now I want to read the book. I've said before that I always like to know everybody's "story", why they do what they do. So, I want to read the book and get "the rest of the story". When the movie ended and we stood up, Jessie wasn't ready to leave and was saying something I couldn't understand at first. Then, I realized she said she wanted to clap. Guess she was telling me cause she didn't want to be the only one. We clapped together and she said, "Michael got to play football". For a minute, I was a little embarrassed that we were the the only two people there clapping. I quickly got over it, the feeling of embarrassment was replaced with, "Wow, Jessie has a way of taking the simplest, most ordinary thing and making it extraordinary". From almost the very beginning, she has brought me outside of myself in a way that otherwise probably would never have happened. Just one of the ways she has grown me.

On a regular basis I continue to thank God that in giving us Jessie, He met His expectations, and not ours. As I say at bedtime when we pray together, "Thank you God for Jessie, I love her so much.........."

Jessie and Gracey, a sweet friendship

2009-11-24T11:58:00.001-06:00

Jessie has a friend from church, Gracey, that she dearly, dearly loves and nothing in the world makes a day better for Jessie, than to get to play with her. They really only started to play together during the summer and since school started they haven't been able to play but a couple of times. Yesterday, Gracey and her twin brother Grady were here with us all day while their mom was at work. They are both very sweet children that you enjoy having around. Grady entertained himself with cars and our old Super Nintendo Donkey Kong (we still love that old game!). Jessie and Gracey played Barbies; often Ken was in the "hopsital" and one of the Barbies were taking care of him. They played Dr., Jessie was upset that I wouldn't let her have the oral thermometer, that she had to play with the one that came with her Dr. set that goes in your ear. She doesn't like to "pretend" anything that isn't just like the real. They strung bead bracelets and made art with glitter and glue (that was a mess!) and they really had fun with that. They danced and twirled and took turns twirling each other. For 7 hours, Jessie was absolutely in heaven.

Jessie is 8, Gracey is 7. Gracey can understand much but not all of what Jessie says, but like us, she has learned to keep going on with the game if she doesn't understand every word. She truly loves Jessie. I know that for several more days (and they are out of town now for several days) many times a day Jessie is going to request Gracey's presence. "Gracey come to my house and play?", "I go to Gracey's house and play?" and be aggravated each time she is told that Gracey is on a trip. Lately, every paper Jessie writes or colors on usually has Gracey's name somewhere on it. She has learned to spell Gracey's name. Gracey draws Jessie pictures and writes sweet messages on them, that she loves her and that she's her best friend.

Jessie is such a social little girl and wants to go somewhere and be with people every day. She hasn't had a lot of true friendships. When she was younger I went through a terrible time; she would be friendly with other children, and they didn't want to play with her. As Jessie has gotten more verbal that has gotten much better.

I know that Gracey is going to outgrow the things that Jessie will continue to enjoy for longer. In some ways it is even hard for me to enjoy, for worrying it will end tomorrow. For today, I am very thankful for this special friendship. It means so much to Jessie and to me.

The healing power of love...and thoughts of redemption. A lesson we learned from our dog, Boo.

2009-11-24T01:16:00.000-06:00

No, you aren't on the wrong blog. You won't often read a post by me about our animals, but our dog, Boo, has a story worth telling.

We had a small dog (Short Stuff) that was dearly loved by both Jordan and Evan, but was Jordan's constant companion. When Short Stuff died after being hit by a car, we waited several months to get another dog. By the time we went to the Humane Society my kids were really wanting to have another dog...another dog that would fill that empty place in their hearts left by Short Stuff. Jordan had decided that she wanted to adopt an ugly dog, a dog that otherwise wouldn't have a home. That's my tenderhearted girl. I wanted our new dog not to be too terribly large, as it would be an inside dog, and hopefully not to shed too terribly as I'm allergic to dogs...all that extra hair every where causes me problems. We had called the Humane Society and asked if they had any "not too big" dogs. They told us about Boo, and we decided go see her and see if she seemed a good fit for our family. Boo is an Italian Greyhound, or at least she looks exactly like the pictures of them in a book. What we were told about Boo was that she needed a special home, someone who would be patient with her, who wouldn't expect too much right away. She'd already been adopted one time and had been brought back! She had been one of 15 dogs at a breeders and while we don't know if she was ever abused, she was most certainly neglected. When the Human Society got her she was over a year old, but had no name, she was puppy #2. After the first owners brought her back, someone from the HS fostered her, took her home for about a month, just to be sure what they could tell prospective families about her. Thus...we were told she was very timid, afaid, not to expect too much too soon...but that she did not bite out of fear. When we came to her part of the kennel, she was through a little door to the outside, and when we bent over to try to look at her, she started walking in circles it made her so nervous. A volunteer at the HS went outside to get her for us and when we held and petted her she became so nervous she pooped all over. Well, she wasn't ugly, but she was a sad case. Just what Jordan was looking for!

When we brought her home, it was VERY slow going. In fact for several months my kids felt a little jipped like they didn't have a "real dog". For the first week we allowed her to hide a lot. She would go in closets/secluded places and didn't want to come out. When we took her outside, we quickly figured out we would have to use a leash...after Evan had to crawl under the deck to the farthest corner to pull her out when she hid there when we put her out to go to the bathroom. She hunched over so when she walked, that when she later began to walk upright, we couldn't believe how long legged and tall she was. She slept in the bed with the kids but that was the only time she sought specifically to be near any of us. After several days to a week we started closing the closet doors and making it where she had to come out amongst us. She picked one spot on the couch she liked, that she thought was worth coming around for. If someone was sitting there she would walk around and around until they'd move over. She would allow us to pet her, but she didn't seek it out and didn't express in any way that she enjoyed it or wanted more. There was no rolling over to get a belly rub, no licking us or rubbing against your hand as if she wanted more. It was really strange. She had no "expression" on her face if you know what I mean. When we bought her a rawhide bone she didn't lick it or acknowledge that she knew what it was...same things with other treats and toys. The expression we used was that she wasn't a "real dog".

Little by little, and I truly do mean little by tiny, little steps, we began to win her over. It is unbelievable the lengths we went to show this dog love. Let me preface all this by saying...ever since we had kids I have just not felt that I had time to spend with a dog..or any affection left over for them. My kids keep me so busy, there was just nothing left over for a pet. I always loved pets before, but when kids came along, they really took a backseat. Well in all the winning over of Boo, she won me over. I love that silly little dog. We have had Boo now for eleven months. There are some things we are still waiting for, but the progress she has made ever so slowly is so amazing to us now. When I let her back in the house when she's been outside, she's jumping all around on my legs with excitement. She LOVES for us to rub this certain spot on her back so when she comes up to us she turns immediately around to back up to us. She licks us some now, we feel so special when she does! We have taught her to play! We will tease her with a sock and she loves to play with us with it. The other night when we stopped, she went to a clothes basket of unmatched socks and pulled one out to play with. Early on Boo never seemed completely relaxed, and while I think she still feels a little vulnerable if you push her over to rub her belly, she enjoys it enough now that she tries to lay there for a minute before hopping up. She has the softest expression on her face now when we pet her, there is no mistaking that she enjoys it and keeps coming back for more if we stop.

When we 1st came home with Boo, we got online to read about her breed. We read that Italian greyhounds are timid by nature and tend to be a little "catlike" in their personality. We were really worried that she would never become the loving companion of a dog that our family had been looking for. For several months Jordan and Evan wanted to go back and get another dog, one that loved them back. Even though we didn't expect immediate change and were willing to be patient, she took all the patience we had. Now, almost every day it seems, Jordan and I talk about the difference in her, and are amazed the more and more she seems like a "real dog".

I truly believe we have learned an important lesson about life by loving Boo. For so long we had to love her, getting little in return. I looked in the online dictionary for the word redeem: to make up for; make amends for; offset...to buy back. Finally, bit by bit we see a dog healed by love, redeemed...now a real dog.

For me this lesson is about a whole lot more than just one, particular dog.

1) Boo is who her genes "made her to be" and yet she is different than she might have been, because of the particular family she lives in. Her experience in a loving family changed who she otherwise would have been. This is true for all of us I believe.

2) There are a whole lot of people in this world that bear a great resemblance to Boo; they've been hurt and are hard to get close to. They need the love of Jesus through us...there is no telling how that will affect them....

:)

Check up at the dentist, the :) and the :(

2009-11-18T23:43:00.000-06:00

The :( Jessie went for a check up and cleaning at the dentist on Monday. When she was younger (and I was certainly less diligent about brushing!) Jessie never had any cavities. For the last couple years, bam! She has had 3 ( I think) filled and Monday they saw 2 that are minor and said they may remineralize? Never heard that before but I'm hoping for it! They also said she has two baby teeth that may need to be removed by an oral surgeon, to make room for the permanent teeth, that on xray are ready to come in. We are going to be seen by an orthodontist (thankfully all set up with one as Jordan has already had braces, and her Daddy had braces there too) who will make the final decision. Last, but not least, mentioned how small her palate is and that she might benefit from an expander like Jordan had, if she will tolerate having it done. Not looking forward to any of the above possibilities!!

The :) On a more positive note-Jessie LOVES going to the dentist, the weird kid! She went for a while just watching Jordan and Evan get their teeth cleaned and felt honored (even though she was scared) when she finally got a turn. This dentist doesn't specialize in children with special needs (or see a lot of them) and I could tell initially they were a little nervous about the whole business, but agreed to see her, mentioning that they see a few that have siblings that are patients. The first time they didn't do a full cleaning but by the second time she let them. By the third time she was a pro. Although they prefer the parent not to go back with the patient, they never had a problem with me going back with Jessie, which is good, cause when she was younger I would never have let her go alone. When she had the fillings done, they sedated her (oral not IV) and she had nitrous gas. Again, they especially don't like parents back there for all that, they said it sometimes upsets the parents and the kids do better without them. No way would Jessie have done it without me to hold her hand and explain things to her and keep her a bit distracted, but even with the fillings she did beautifully.

The last two visits, (she'd been there many times at this point!) Jessie has gone back without me. When she did that for the first time, that was really an odd feeling. She's the baby in our family, but she's the baby who wants to be a big girl. When younger I didn't feel she communicated well enough and I didn't want any chance of anything getting off on the wrong foot unnecessarily. Now, she talks well enough that if something bothered her or if she wanted me, she would be able to let them know. Michelle, an especially sweet, very special hygienist is THE reason she was able to go back without me. She really "gets" Jessie if you know what I mean. And, I had absolute confidence that if Jessie wanted me she would come and get me. She has been the one to clean Jessie's teeth for a while now and has told me she requests Jessie because Jessie makes her day. THAT makes my day!

We love Dick and Jane!

2009-11-18T21:09:00.000-06:00

I keep a journal of sorts as a record of what we are doing in our homeschooling. DO NOT think this is a normal day's entry! I normally have abbreviations/acronyms for the things we do and things aren't written in full sentences but try to write enough to keep me out of trouble in case someone were to check to see if we are actually schooling. Since I hadn't written in this journal for the entire week about what we'd done in reading, I wrote the following paragraph as a summary for the weeks' work. Hope you can feel the excitement!

This week we started reading "Dick and Jane Fun With Our Family". She LOVES it! I can't believe what a breakthrough this is for us. She read 52 pages the first day!!! When reading I would immediately supply the word she didn't know/recognize, so she would not experience frustration. I read several more stories to her when she could read no more. Today, (Friday), she read 40 pages then she begged me to read till I finished the book! 143 pages! This book is giving her a lot of repetition/repeating the same words. She gets confused sometimes if the beginning is varied with uppercase/lowercase. This is the transition we have been looking for from reading cards to reading books. Praise the Lord! And thank you God for Beth (who suggested the books to me)!

Okay, I realize all those exclamation points don't make for good writing...but you can't write what I wrote without using them. It is nearly impossible to convey the excitement I have felt. Jessie has been reading sight words for a long time, not sure how many words, over 100 I'm sure. We just hadn't been able to find just the right books to transition to real books. I had made her one book, using a scrapbook, but we needed more materials to choose from. The Dick and Jane books repeat over and over the same words, varying the beginnings (upper and lowercase) and consists of mostly words she knew on cards. We had tried some simple books from the library, each page having 1 sentence, such as I like______ or I see______. Even though they had pictures, they weren't terribly interesting to her because there was no real story. She has a bit of a fascination with names, and there are plenty of names in the book to suit her, and the stories, while simple, are sweet and funny. Although they use the same words over and over somehow in this one book they manage to make many, many stories. The pictures TELL the story, and she really enjoys that too. Hurray for having found Dick and Jane!

Burdened

2009-11-14T23:28:00.001-06:00

I've had in my mind for several days that I wanted to post about Jessie's breakthrough in reading and how excited I am about that...I will...but at the moment my mind is completely overwhelmed with thoughts of other children with Down syndrome. Children that don't have a mother that thinks they are beautiful and smart. They don't have a mother to kiss their toes, celebrate their birthday, and rejoice over every accomplishment..they don't have a mother at all. This obsession that I now have all started a couple of months ago.  A family in our Down syndrome group had already adopted two boys with DS and were in the process of adopting two more, through Reece's Rainbow. Our F.R.I.E.N.D.S. group gave $3,000. from our Buddy Walk proceeds to help with their international adoption of the 2 boys they are in process of adopting now.  Being a part of doing that...there truly aren't words to describe how good that felt.  The way all that came to be was a spiritual marker in my life, something I'll never forget.

Since talking to them and visiting the Reece's Rainbow website, I can not stop thinking about these children. All day today (not only today) every time I looked at Jessie, with her round, full face and her chunky body, I kept thinking of children who were bony and thin and didn't have a mother to see about their every need.  I am sure it is the same for every mom that reads this, I give Jessie a full, appreciative inspection pretty much every day. I love her slanted eyes, her round face, chubby fingers, her upper thighs we call ham hocks, the spacing of her toes, her shiny hair, her sense of humor, and the quirks that make her Jessie. That's the abbreviated list! I adore her, and constantly tell her she is pretty and smart and that I love her "the most" (it's a game we play).   Last night on Reece's Rainbow there was a child desperately needing a home, a family, she weighs 21 lbs. at 6 years old.  Every time I appreciate something (all throughout the day!) about Jessie, my mind automatically makes a comparison. Jessie is funny and happy, this child is lonely. Jessie is chubby and healthy, this child is malnourished and lonely. Jessie is busy and wants our attention, this child lies in a bed and doesn't walk yet at 6 years old.  I don't know what my part is in this yet, but my heart is heavy and it seems I'm on the verge of tears all the time.  It isn't really even this one particular child, but her weight made her stick in my mind. There are tons of little cross eyed children; they need some glasses and maybe surgery. The ones that have similar hair coloring and eyes as Jessie, or have strabismus (crossing eyes) or have that look that Jessie had before her heart was repaired...just can't get those precious babies out of my mind.

When our  FRIENDS group made the donation for the family in our group that is adopting, as wonderful as that felt, it is such a drop in the bucket. I feel overwhelmed by the number of children's pictures that I looked at that don't have homes. I want to ask every person I know, "Don't you want to adopt a kid with Down syndrome that really needs a home?" I am praying for God to give me clarity about my part in all of this. I know I will pray, I know we (my family) will give, I feel that FRIENDS will continue to give each year....I am not ready to give a voice to any of the other thoughts I've had...just praying. I am asking God to give very clear direction and wisdom.

Tonight it feels really good to be able to share my burden and know that someone is listening, thank you. I know many of you reading already have a child with DS, and feel blessed by it, and feel that your plate is FULL. I feel the same way, and wonder how people truly do it that have more than one of these little blessings. If you're reading this and you DON"T yet have a kid with DS.... Don't you want to adopt a kid with Down syndrome? I'll help fundraise!!

A Good Coop Day

2009-11-10T22:06:00.002-06:00

Today our day at coop (our homeschool coop) started a little later than usual. Jordan had gotten a haircut on Friday that we both weren't very happy with, so we had to miss our first class to go get a haircut redo. Jessie wasn't happy about missing her music class. This semester of coop has been the best fit we've ever had for Jessie.   The difference is a combination of that the classes we chose are on her level (always hard to tell in advance if they will be a good fit) and we don't have time to kill in between. One semester we had 3 hours when her siblings had class that she didn't. That was really difficult. This semester she has 1) Preschool Music - the teacher dresses as Miss Patty Cake and they sing the songs, have a color sheet with Bible verse to take home and have a snack 2)Preschool Art - she has taken art classes with this same art teacher before and really enjoyed them, but has liked this one the very best. The other classes she learned from and enjoyed but had to wait more, listen more (much of which was over her head) so this class has just been the perfect fit. Also, her teacher, Mrs. Denise is just THE BOMB. She is so entertaining, engaging and fun while keeping amazing order in her class, even when it's preschoolers. 3) Preschool Playtime - the other kids are 3-5 year olds and most weeks we take the class to the soft play area in the church.

Her classes end at 12:30, she is always mildly irritated that Jordan and Evan stay for the afternoon with the highschoolers who do volunteer projects in the afternoon. She only doesn't pitch a fit because she knows we will go somewhere for lunch together and she loves to go out to eat, whether it is fast food or one of her other favorites. For this semester, she has really enjoyed that we go out together, usually just the two of us. We colored together while we waited for our food.

Today, after lunch, I had a dentist appointment. Ordinarily I wouldn't schedule one when Jordan or Evan couldn't keep her at home, but I'd had a tooth bothering me that I felt desperate to be seen for and this was when they could fit me in. She had a blast! After they saw about the issue I'd been having, they said they could fit me in for a cleaning if I wanted to go ahead with that while I was there. See, the truth is (and I'm sure some of you can identify) my kids go to the dentist faithfully every 6 months, while I might go 2 years if I'm not having a problem. I think she knew if they didn't do it today....might be a while. I was a little worried about Jessie sitting that long, but decided to go ahead. The hygienist has a nephew with special needs and was so wonderful with Jessie. She let her hold the "straw" to suck the water out of my mouth and turn it on and off.  A little bit, she even let her help hold the toothbrush/polisher, but Jessie knew she wasn't really in control of that the way she was with the straw, so she preferred the straw. All the other hygienists kept coming by (the doorways are open, no real door there) commenting on what a good helper Jessie was. When we left she had on gloves and a mask in hand so she could check her babies teeth when we got home.

After the dentist, we went back to the church to pick up J & E, and she really enjoys socializing with the teenagers there. She thinks those are her people too.  A couple of years ago we seemed to be struggling so, trying to find places to fit, it was an agonizing time for me.   Right now we are in a better place. All the teens when we go in there are not only kind to her but when she initiates dancing with them (she loves to watch So You Think You Can Dance) they feel less self conscious now and dance with her or talk to her. She never wants to leave there, but is persuaded because our next stop is dance.

This is Jessie's second year in the Special Steppers. A free (!!) dance class for special needs kids. It is funded by donations and fundraisers. Jessie enjoyed it at first last year then started not wanting to go. She has a new teacher this year, the owner of the dance studio, and is doing much better. The class although simple in some ways, is excellent physical therapy and after 30 minutes, Jessie is tired. Jessie doesn't have great endurance and most of that time they are at least standing/moving. She is learning to skip (not well yet!) and is, after a few weeks of working on it, walking on her toes. At first she just couldn't walk on those toes for more than a couple steps.

We came home where she nagged us all about wanting to be our dentist and check our teeth. She ate supper and stretched out side to side in the recliner (that is her spot) and watched TV. When I sent her to the bathroom to get ready for bed, walking through my bedroom she flicked on the light (knowing her Daddy wouldn't like it!), when he said "huh uh" with an irritated sound, she said, "Gotcha"!! That's my funny girl.

In bed, we played the kissing game, this time she picked where she wanted her kisses. She REALLY enjoys the negotiations. After I got way more kisses than she said I could have, she kissed me a few times, counting them. A great way to end a good day.

Down Syndrome Awareness Excites Me!

2009-11-09T15:01:00.001-06:00

I hope you all will be patient with me. My blog may look different every time you visit for a while. I'm just not very tech savvy and it takes me a while to make changes..so it's definitely a work in progress.

Just this morning 2 boxes from Woodbine House (publisher of lots of special needs books) were delivered and left on my front porch. These boxes contain a total of 54 books!! Some of these will be given to several local libaries, some are for our FRIENDS library, and others for our new parent packets that we are putting together. It is exciting to me to be able to be a part of helping others have a more positive (accurate!) view of Down syndrome. For those that have the patience to read the long story, I'd like to tell you how we got to this point. I so well remember the time that being able to do things such as this was just an idea, a dream.

I mentioned in a previous post that when Jessie was born there wasn't a Down syndrome group in our area, there had been and the people organizing and running it had moved away and it had just kind of dissolved. At the time Jessie was born, there was no system in place for making sure every new parent had good information and a way to make connections with other families. Our pediatrician gave us the book, "Babies with Down Syndrome" but others who used the same practice, but different doctor, didn't receive one. The nurse who was with me in recovery after my c-section knew someone who had a child with DS, and asked if I would like to have her number. It was just hit and miss as to what information new parents got or whether they knew how to get in touch with other families.  If you've read my new parent story, you know that I knew very little, really nothing, about Down syndrome when Jessie was born. I wanted to read everything available to try to get some idea of what to expect. I especially wanted to read real family stories of what their life with was like with a child with Down syndrome and I pored over every picture.

I had an advantage over a lot of other new parents....When I was pregnant with Jessie, I became friends with Heather who was also pregnant. We had daughters the same age, had sons the same age (we met because they were on the same tball team) and delivered babies with Down syndrome within three weeks of each other, Jessie first.  Neither of us knew our babies had Down syndrome before they were born. When a mutual friend called me to tell me Heather had delivered and that her baby had DS...it was a really weird feeling...I said, "Robin, I know you wouldn't joke about something like that!". I had never personally known anyone with Down syndrome, and even having been around anyone with DS seemed very vague to me, so for my new friend that I already had so much in common with to now have a baby three weeks after me with DS.....could only be a God thing. Right away I always had someone in the same boat, that really understood..period. That alone is worth so much. We have both always been very thankful that God put our families together, and it wasn't long before we began to feel that there was a responsibility that came along with that blessing.

One at a time, through various connections we found other families further down the road than we were and were always so grateful every time.  How helpful and healing it was for us to see how, overall, their families functioned in very normal ways, and that they were thankful, yes thankful, for their children that had Down syndrome. When our babies were 10 and 11 months old we had the opportunity to go together to the NDSS conference. Another God thing...we received assistance through our local Early Intervention to be able to go, and since that year it has never been near enough again to be within driving distance. It was a vague idea at the time, but there was birthed the idea of our FRIENDS group.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. That stands for quite a mouthful: Families Reaching, Influencing, Educating and Networking for Down Syndrome. Whew! I still remember the visit to IHOP, with Katherine (our babies' Special Instructor who helped us get FRIENDS started) where we ate, drank lots of coffee, laughed and spent hours trying to come up with the name that that we felt represented who we wanted to be. If you are interested in visting our website, it is downsyndromefriends.org.  There are still some typos on the front page, that too is a work in progress.

That late night, early morning was about 6 years ago. The progress has been slow, but steady. A little over 5 years ago God brought our way, Anne, who contacted us when she had a prenatal diagnosis of DS.  Anne has become a dear and precious friend, and a much needed (critical!) asset to our group . She has a very needed and different skill set than Heather or I possess. Things really took off for us two years ago, when we had our first Buddy Walk. Another God thing! The nearest Down syndrome group to us is about 2 hours away and we had gone to their Buddy Walk. Having one of our own, we had no idea how to make that happen. I'm not sure where all Knology is located, but in this district, every branch of Knology supports a Buddy Walk in their area. Knology contacted us about having a Buddy Walk here.  What are the chances, really, of a corporation contacting you to help raise awareness and funds for your very hearts desire?! God is too good. We just had our 2nd annual Buddy Walk and because of the Buddy Walk there are 54 books on my kitchen table waiting to be distributed. We had a very successful Buddy Walk and will be able to do many more good things as well.

It is my great hope that because of these books, some high school student will have good information for the report they prepare, and that anyone who wants to know about Down syndrome will be able to access GIFTS, and Babies with Down Syndrome. Every new parent in our area will have a lovingly prepared (by Brenda, another Godsend) new parent packet which includes: Babies with Down syndrome, a devotional book,a burp cloth that says "I am wonderfully made" and a notebook of our family stories and contact information in a bag embroidered with our logo. We are currently working on making connections to have in place a system where new parents receive our packets at the hospital or when they receive a prenatal diagnosis. I clearly remember when all these things were just good ideas and we wondered if we could ever make them happen. We've come a long way, baby!

2009-11-06T01:38:00.000-06:00

Our first two babies had been conceived with the help of Clomid, a fertility drug, after much heartache and longing for a baby. When we found out we were pregnant with Jessie without the help of modern medicine, we were truly shocked. Just a month or so before, we’d been taking a walk and discussing whether we were certain if we were ready to take a more permanent step about not having any more children. We were getting older (I was 35) and knew our risk of having a child with Down syndrome was higher at our age. That, combined with the fact that my husband wasn’t certain he wanted to start over with the baby stage again….our children were 4 and 6 years old, finally past the sleepless nights and colicky baby stage. While we walked and talked trying to reach a decision, what we didn’t know was at that moment I was already pregnant! Before our 1st baby was born I’d had 2 miscarriages; I had gestational diabetes with our 1st baby, and some late pregnancy bleeding problems with our second baby. So, although we were surprised and worried, we were amazed at what a miracle this baby was.

With this pregnancy, we chose not to have the AFP test just as we had done with our first two babies. With each pregnancy I asked my doctor if there was anything life threatening that would be detected that we wouldn’t find with ultrasound. Each time after discussing it I felt reassured that anything life threatening (a severe case of spina bifida) that could be prepared for at birth would likely be discovered on ultrasound. Other than that, what the test would look for was Down syndrome. We had talked about that if the AFP results were abnormal, an amniocentesis would be recommended, which has a 1% risk of miscarriage. Even that small risk we didn’t want to take. I don’t at all regret our decision not to know beforehand. It was the right decision for us. For some the knowledge beforehand enables them to prepare mentally for the task that is to come. I, on the other hand, am a worrier. Although my heart desires to always trust God, I know that the rest of the pregnancy would have been overshadowed with worry of all the possible things we might or might not have to face in the future. I am thankful that when we were trying to adjust to the knowledge that she had Down syndrome, and all the health issues that could come with it, that I was able to hold my baby that I already loved.

Jessie continued to be in the breech position in the last weeks before my due date, so we had a C-section scheduled for 39 weeks. The night before Jessie was scheduled to be born my other two children wrote Baby Jessie a note in her baby book about how they couldn’t wait to meet her and how they had gone to the doctor with me during pregnancy and to a sibling class to learn how to help take care of her. They were so excited about having a baby sister. The morning of the c-section my husband and I added our notes to Jessie that we couldn’t wait to meet her and how we loved her so much already.
When Jessie was born I only got to see her for a second before they whisked her away to check her out. In that second I noticed something about Jessie’s eyes, but I couldn’t place what it was that was bothering me. It seemed as if they kept her over there for such a long time compared to how it had been with my other two babies. I thought maybe it was because she was a c-section baby. My husband followed them to the nursery snapping pictures right and left while they took me to recovery. Some time later, I heard my husband’s voice outside of my room and when I called him in I could tell that he’d been crying. I was overcome with fear that our baby had died. When I was told, “We think your baby may have Down syndrome”, as scary as that sounded to me, I felt such a relief because seeing my husband upset I had thought something worse. I think the way we each learned about Jessie having Down syndrome greatly affected how we dealt with it in those early weeks. I was relieved that although she could be found to have some serious health problems later, for now she was alive and seemed o.k. For Julian, he had been happily taking pictures and had no suspicion of anything wrong when they told him; he was so taken by surprise he felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. (His words!) We all have our own way and time table of grieving and learning to accept the way things are. I had really grown in my relationship with God in the couple of years before Jessie was born, learning to trust Him more, and I know now in many ways he was preparing me for things to come. In those first days I held on to what we had known from the beginning, that the way this baby came to be was such a miracle for us, that she was meant to be here exactly as she was.

Our pediatricians had immediately told us our greatest concerns in the first days were to watch for any signs of heart or intestinal problems. We could hardly close our eyes those first few days for fear she might stop breathing while we were sleeping. I was never so relieved to see baby poop, so we could know there wasn’t intestinal blockage.

While we were in the hospital we began reading the book “Babies with Down Syndrome” that our pediatricians had given us. For me the greatest fear is always the unknown. I wanted all the information I could get. There were aspects of reading it that were comforting to me and others that scared me to death. There were many serious, and some not so serious, health problems that our daughter could face. We were so scared, wondering in those early days and weeks what this really meant for all of us. I knew it was kind of like the information sheet you get from the pharmacy with all the possible side effects, that they wouldn’t ALL apply to us, but all the possibilities of what could felt pretty overwhelming. When I read about all the therapies, etc. that could be helpful I thought how are we ever going to pay for all that?!

It seems odd now, the fears that were so all consuming when Jessie was born. I can remember when Jessie was a newborn wondering what does “some mental retardation” really mean? Would she be able to feed herself? Would we be able to go out to eat as a family in a restaurant? Our other children were doing t-ball and dance lessons. How would this new baby with special needs affect our ability to continue with those activities? How would we ever know how to discipline Jessie – how could we know what she understood? As Jordan and Evan got older, how would they feel about having a sister with Down syndrome? In general, would life EVER resemble normal again?! When Jessie was still just a baby we met some other families who had children with Down syndrome and that was such a huge help! I can’t tell you how much that helped us and put many fears to rest.

When Jessie was 2 weeks old our pediatrician heard a heart murmur and the next day the cardiologist found that she had two holes in her heart called ASD and VSD. We learned she would need to have open heart surgery by the time she was 6 months old. Although as heart defects go we were told this was a better one to have, more easily repaired, it was a scary time until surgery was behind us. Suddenly, any more distant future concerns took a back seat and we concentrated on getting Jessie to gain enough weight to be ready for surgery. Our lives seemed to revolve around getting Jessie to take in enough calories to gain weight. Eating burned up more calories than she took in a feeding. Jessie had open heart surgery when she was 3 months old, sooner than expected. She did so well with surgery and we couldn’t believe how well and quickly she recovered.

Jessie started in early intervention when she was just a few weeks old. All of the therapies (physical, occupational and speech therapy) were time consuming and in our every day lives that was the biggest adjustment. While our other babies went through each stage so quickly you almost missed it, with Jessie, we had to learn how to teach her new things. Sometimes we’d seem to work on the same thing forever; then suddenly she could do that thing and 2 or 3 other things as well. I can remember every step of teaching her to pull up to stand, and how she worked so determinedly to do it. When Jessie learns something new it’s like a party at our house! We all enjoy her every accomplishment so much. Jordan and Evan used to argue over who got to call Daddy at work to tell him what new thing Jessie did! Now that Jessie is 7 and loves to talk on the phone she insists on calling Daddy herself. Just this week she called Daddy to recite every word of John 3:16, making her Daddy quite proud.

When Jessie was a baby and toddler most of the time I was fine with the fact that she did things on a slower schedule than other kids. There were days though, where it was so obvious that other children did things effortlessly that she had to work very hard to do. I would have a little reality check and cry for a day or two and feel sorry for the both of us. After a day or two I was usually able to shake it off and get back to the business of life. This would usually happen after I took a turn in the nursery at church or our homeschool coop. It truly wasn’t about the delays, it was the realization that she would always have to work harder at things.
At seven Jessie is learning to sight read before learning to read with phonics. She is a very visual learner and has an excellent memory for things she sees. For her AWANA class at church she has been learning Bible verses. She is learning to write her letters, can write her first and last name, recognizes most #’s to 100, counting to 10. She can swim short distances under water, is taking gymnastics and just started a “Special Steppers” tap dance class. It was a very difficult decision initially for us to decide whether to homeschool Jessie or for her to go to school. Although our 1st two children have always been homeschooled, I felt very intimidated by the challenge of being her only teacher. Although it is challenging, it is equally rewarding, as I see all that she can learn when it is presented in a way that works for her. I only mention the specific things that she can do because it was so encouraging to me when she was young to read the accomplishments of other children with Down syndrome.

I thought a lot before writing this about what I really wanted to know when Jessie was a newborn, what was helpful to me. You of course know, that there will be difficulties and challenges, and I don’t want to gloss over or minimize that they are real. There are things that are different, and in some ways more difficult, about raising a child with Down syndrome. What I want you to know is that even though that is true we wouldn’t change Jessie if we could. Of course we would change the health issues if we could, but the core of who Jessie is, is in part due to Down syndrome. It is not all of who she is but is part of what makes her who she is. Many, many times I have thanked God, that in giving us Jessie, He met His expectations and not ours. We wouldn’t have chosen to have a child with Down syndrome and in not having her we would have been cheated of an incredible blessing. One of the biggest blessings that Jessie has brought to our life is the way our whole family looks at things differently now. Having her has caused us to reevaluate and remember what is really important in life. At 13 and 15, Evan and Jordan are her biggest advocates. They both have tender hearts for all children with special needs. They each were “Buddies” in our Miracle League season this past spring and helped at Camp Smile the past 2 summers. Whether it is a career choice or volunteering, I know they will always be involved with people with special needs. We are richer as a family because of Jessie and the experiences she has brought into our life. Whereas in the beginning, I wondered would our life ever be “normal” again, now I am so thankful it is not.

Our Crazy Life

2009-11-05T23:40:00.000-06:00

I had just put on my Facebook status update that I enjoyed visiting with my homeschool peeps tonight. My daughter, Jordan (I had asked her if it was peeps or peops) laughed so hard she was snorting and informed me that people my age didn't say peeps and I obviously hadn't seen it a lot if I didn't know how to spell it. Hmmm...

Tonight we had a homeschool meeting where we had a choice of 4 workshops you could attend, I went to one about homeschooling high schoolers and since my two teens (that feels weird to say!) were with me they went to a talk about Courtship, which I have been eager for all of us to learn more about. Jessie went out to eat with Daddy at Things N Wings, one of our favorite places.

This is the time of year when every week, I hope the next week will have a slower pace, then it never does! Sunday we went to the fair, the kids LOVED it and we SURVIVED it. I love how much they enjoy it. Jessie would have stayed there all night riding and eating corn dogs. Seven hours was more than enough for Jay and me. Tuesday is our homeschool coop day, Jessie has a preschool music class, an art class, and a playtime hour where we usually get to go to the soft play area. Jordan and Evan have their own classes and participate in a volunteer program on Tues. afternoons. When I pick them up from there, we go straight to Jessie's Special Steppers (dance class for kids with special needs). This Wednesday, we went to Special Citizens Day at the Fair then Wednesday night church (I teach the Youth). Thursday nights Jessie has Gymnastics and this night the homeschool meeting after gym, tomorrow Jordan gets a hair cut and we have errands to run. I desperately need to make a trip to the grocery store.....still hoping next week has a slower pace. Proofreading that paragraph makes me tired.

Our computer has very little space available so I haven't been able to upload pictures. I've been taking pictures a lot lately though and everytime Jessie tells me, "put it on your blog", or "you gonna put it on facebook?" She is rotten.

Jessie Can Spell!!

2009-11-02T23:56:00.000-06:00

Wow! We had a sweet moment tonight. For about a year I guess, I'd been thinking about how to move Jessie to learning to spell, but knowing that she just wasn't quite there. Jessie has a couple of ways of letting me know when I introduce something new, that it's just more effort than she's willing to give. Sometimes I can (with those Mama Super Power Tactics) get her motivated and other times just have to give it up for a while. She'd been showing interest in spelling...but only if it was what she wanted to spell. She can spell a few names: her own (first and last), and a few friend's names at church that she always wants to make notes for. She has copied their names over a few times until she can spell them. I was quite impressed that 2 of them have 6 letters each. She is close to being able to spell her brother and sister's names; and can spell our dog's name, Boo. So, the last week or so, as part of her handwriting practice I gave her 5 words: love, my, girl, dog, name. I chose these words because they are words she reads, understands and they have meaning to her. Mind you, I've tried this before but at that point she wasn't quite ready, so I dropped it for a while. We always read the words that she writes for handwriting, so we just changed it up a little. Pointing to love, I ask her if she can spell love, then say with her, moving my finger across the letters L, O, V, E, that spells love. You get the idea. Tonight at time to brush her teeth, I decided to review her spelling words with her....and discovered that she can spell love, my, dog, and is close to having girl and name. Woo hoo!! I clapped, squealed and carried on....she loved watching me make a fool of myself, she laughed too.

Funny Jessie

2009-10-31T00:28:00.000-05:00

Jessie is such a funny litle girl. Even right now she is making me laugh. She has been making "fair tickets" and just brought me mine. She loves to make papers with letters (random letters and names she knows how to spell) and sometimes just squiggles. They are always something in particular, such as fair tickets. When she gave me my ticket, I asked Jessie if she was taking me to the fair. She said yes. I asked if she was going to eat a corndog. (I knew the answer to that question!) She said yes. We usually get some Kettle Corn too, so I asked if she was going to eat some popcorn, to which she replied, a very emphatic no. If she said yes, she was afraid she would end up getting the popcorn instead of the corndog she loves. Maybe you had to be there to get the humor in that one but she was cracking me up.

Two weeks ago at Jessie's gymnastics class, she had come out of the classroom to tell me something. As she stood in the doorway about to go back in she said something to me and ended the sentence with, "heifer". I was talking to another mom by this time and ignored what she said. So, a little louder she said, "I called you a heifer!", then we all burst out laughing. The other mom said, " I thought that was what she said but wasn't sure." I reassured my friend that she wasn't being disrespectful, but that was an endearment of sorts. We say it to each other all the time. Jessie very much has the same sense of humor as the rest of our family. We like to be silly, call names (not mean ones!), take a swat as one walks by, always teasing each other. It has been so fun to see this side of Jessie developing more and more. She constantly makes me laugh and she loves it when she knows she is being funny.

Tonight, Jay and I were going out to eat with our pastor and his wife, just us adults. I was explaining this to Jessie on our ride home from Target, while she was still enjoying her icee. She LOVES to go out to eat and wanted to go with us. When I told her no, this time was just for the grown ups she wasn't very happy. We came in the house; I was in the bathroom and could hear her in the living room talking to her Daddy. She was talking about us going out to eat, and said, "Don't take her." That little heifer!

She knows that I have been blogging about her. I took some pictures of her this week while we were doing schoolwork, that I plan to post later, when I can get my pictures uploaded. She knew I was going to put the pictures on my blog. Now, anytime I take a picture of her she wants to know if I'm going to put it on Facebook or on my blog. She is quite rotten and likes to be the center of attention.

Must go to bed now....I've been up much too late reading the blogs of others that I enjoy and now posting my own.

Buddy Walk cont'd

2009-10-26T18:11:00.008-05:00

#2 I love the fact that this day of Buddy Walk every where I look I will see someone with Down syndrome and a family that loves them. This day every person with DS is celebrated. I think we are better people because we love someone with Down syndrome; I like the idea that everyone around me that day probably thinks the same thing.

#3 10 (I think) Buddy Walk billboards were put up in our area...everyone that saw one HAD to think that kid was cute and, for a moment at least, thought about Down syndrome.

#4 Every person asked to sign up for Buddy Walk, whether they registered or not, thought about Down syndrome.

#5 Many of the 1200 people who got them will be wearing their Buddy Walk shirts throughout the year...causing people, at least for a moment, to think about Down syndrome.

#6 From the funds raised for Buddy Walk we can do many good things: In the next day or so I will order about 40 copies of Babies with Down Syndrome for new parent packets and local area libraries. Also copies of Gifts, Mothers Reflect on How Children with Down Syndrome Enrich Their Lives for local libraries. Several other books as well for our FRIENDS library....all this Down syndrome education thanks to Buddy Walk.

We were able to present a check for $3000 to a family adopting 2 more boys with Down syndrome through Reece's Rainbow (they already adopted 2!), to help with the cost of International adoption. In many other countries, children with Down syndrome not adopted at a young age, are placed in mental institutions. To learn more please visit www.reecesrainbow.com

#7 Every person that was asked to donate, or was involved in the advertising, or saw the commercials and promotions THOUGHT ABOUT DOWN SYNDROME. Every person, involved in any way with Buddy Walk works with, goes to church with, or knows a bunch of people that they might influence to have a more positive view of Down syndrome.

I knew very little about Down syndrome before Jessie was born. I, because of my faith in God, never questioned that people with Down syndrome have great value simply because they are His creation. I know that not everyone feels the same way. An NDSS (National Down Syndrome Society) statistic says 90% of women who have a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome terminate the pregnancy. That breaks my heart. It is not the only reason, but is a great reason to celebrate Down Syndrome Awareness month, Buddy Walk included.

Two final thoughts:

1) God knows each of us...including those with Down syndrome.. before we are born.
Psalm 139:13-15 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place...

2)"I will act as though what I do makes a difference." Ben Franklin

*I found this quote a while back, attributed to Ben Franklin. I wasn't able to verify that, but like it whether he said it or not.

Buddy Walk, Buddy Walk, Buddy Walk

2009-10-26T14:34:00.004-05:00

The past few weeks of my life have been consumed with preparations for and thoughts of Buddy Walk. Our lives are pretty busy anyway, with three kids there is always something going on. It doesn't take a lot extra to make me feel overwhelmed. I will confess also that I am not nearly as well organized as I wish I was. Tonight will be the first night in over a week that my precious family will get a complete hot meal! It was not the smartest, most well thought out thing to decide to start a blog in the midst of all that. That is why that have been no new posts since my blog began!

I LOVE Buddy Walk for many different reasons and I'd like to share some with you. These are not necessarily in order of importance. They are in the order that my scattered brain right now can think of them. Jordan is the kitchen cooking near me, Jessie is watching tv that I can hear and wanting to know when I'll be ready to read, Evan is walking through wanting to know when the Hamburger Helper will be ready. To top it all off Jordan realized after cooking the meat, that we were out of milk. They will have to choose something else to eat...I will finish this blog post!

Reason #1: I love the feeling of community of being a part of a local Down syndrome group. When Jessie was 11 months old, Heather and I, and our families, went to an NDSS (National Down Syndrome Society)Conference in Nashville, TN. Everywhere we looked there were families walking around just like ours, well, we had in common that all those families had a member with Down Syndrome. It was funny, I guess I had not spelled out to Jordan (7) and Evan (5) why we were taking this trip, and they could not believe how many people at Opryland Hotel happened to have Down syndrome. They thought TN just had way more people with DS! That experience and the people we spoke with there put a desire in our hearts to be able to experience that connection and feeling of community all the time at home. When Jessie was born there wasn't a group in our area, there had been at one time, but the folks that started it and kept things going had moved. Heather and I really had no idea where to begin. In those early days as we met a few families and were beginning to be a group and have a name, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (stands for Families Reaching, Influencing, Educating and Networking for Down Syndrome) as we tried to plan activities and invite new people, the money to provide refreshments, activities, or a meal was always a factor. Without Buddy Walk as a fundraiser we wouldn't be able to provide the opportunities for our families to connect and fellowship during the year with a Christmas Party and quarterly meetings, etc. To be continued....

Choosing to Homeschool Jessie

2009-10-17T16:14:00.010-05:00

When Jessie was very young (still an infant!)I began worrying (that's just me!) about whether I should homeschool her, like I already was with my other two, or if she would be better off in school with the benefit of someone trained in special education. By the time she was a preschooler I felt pretty sure we would homeschool, but not sure about at which point. She did attend preschool at the local public school for two school years with her best friend, Joshua. You'll be hearing lots about him all along. She attended three mornings a week and was home by lunch. The first year her class was very small, with only special needs kids. The second year, the class was 1/2 special needs, 1/2 typical (if there is such a thing) kids. It was a pretty good experience for us, and I don't regret doing it, but there were things that helped convince me that homeschooling was going to be our route. Deciding to homeschool her kindergarten year, when her buddy, Joshua, continued at school was really hard for me. I agonized over the decision for months, weighing every pro and con, and cried quite a bit, and prayed A LOT. It was terrible trying to make the decision.

Heather (Joshua's mom) and I had become friends partway through our pregnancy when neither of us knew our babies would have Down syndrome. We were already becoming good friends and when they were born just 3 weeks apart, both having Down syndrome, we became the very best of friends. Our families spent a lot of time together. It has been so wonderful to always have a friend, who really understands almost without words, to go through things together with, the good and the bad. When she was leaning toward school and I was leaning toward homeschooling we both felt swayed by what the other one was feeling. It was extremely difficult for us to each make the choice about schooling that was right for each of our families. In those first months of Joshua going to school and Jessie homeschooling, it continued to be difficult comparing everything the other was doing. There were things about school that Jessie enjoyed and she would say sometimes that she wanted to go to school, that was ROUGH, but truly, she just can't evaluate all the variables. The grass always seems greener on the other side.... Eventually, we each settled in, happy with the choices we'd made.

I homeschool Jessie mostly for the same reasons I homeschool our other kids. I am able to target her teaching to exactly where she is. We don't spend time, except for more occasional review, on things she already knows. Nor am I teaching above her level of ability, things that don't have any meaning for her. Jessie is a good sight reader (not as good as others I've read about!), but she's got a very good visual memory. Second year of preschool she could read all her classmates names and wouldn't wait for them to answer when the teacher held up their names. I am able to teach to this strength at home and am constantly searching for new ways to teach Jessie things. While I know some special education teachers do an excellent job, it is hard for them to know and teach to the different strengths and weaknesses of each child in the class. I don't know much about all other disabilities...but I eat, sleep, read, live Down syndrome. No matter how much a teacher might have her best interests at heart, all of our teaching is one on one with only Jessie's learning style to consider.

Also, I realize I have control issues where my kids are concerned, but I think that is a good thing. I like knowing all of the things that influence them and choosing which influences are acceptable and allowed. As they mature, they have more freedoms and are exposed to more and make more choices on their own. Right this moment that applies more to the older two than Jessie, but is true for her too. I haven't said anything at this point about spiritual reasons why we homeschool only because at this point they apply more to Jordan and Evan than to Jessie. They each have Bible teaching on their level as a part of their school day, as well as "teachable moments" that happen nearly every day!

With all 3 kids, we have so many wonderful memories of hours spent reading together, cuddled on the couch, or propped up on pillows reading in my bed. Teaching them each to read....truly priceless. I will never forget the excitement or the phone calls to Daddy. When Jessie was just beginning with homeschooling her siblings would fight over who could call him and tell Dad what new thing she'd learned or done, now she calls him herself. She LOVES the phone.

There is plenty of time in the day for dancing in the kitchen together (she watches way too much "So You Think You Can Dance"!), she loves to "help" cook, and I really enjoy so much the more relaxed lifestyle of homeschooling. Although we are very busy, I think the homeschooling lifestyle allows for more family time and though hectic enough, is less stressful in many ways. For example: we never have homework...when we're done, we're done.

At one point, I considered letting Jessie go to school for the social reasons she wanted to go and supplement her teaching at home after school. After seeing how tired she was after 1/2 day of school during preschool, I really don't think I could get a lot of value out of her later in the day, after having gone to school. As hard as it was initially to make the decision, I have no doubts or reservations now that we are doing exactly what WE should be doing, what is right for OUR family.

About My Blog

2009-10-17T11:28:00.004-05:00

It seems funny to type, About My Blog. Until a couple of months ago I'd resisted even having a Facebook. As a very busy homeschooling mom to three, very active in our church and our local Down Syndrome group there just wasn't time for such as that. Finally, I gave in... I have enjoyed so much being able to know what is going on everyday in the lives of people I care about, but don't get to talk to every day. So often I am inspired by something written by someone on their update, or touched, or made to laugh. I might get the update while helping Jessie read, or sitting at gymnastics, or in the grocery store. Homeschooling and all our activities means that I can't always talk at the same time someone else is available...but I can get their quick update via text and know what is going on with them. I only recently realized several of my friends & acquaintances have blogs and have enjoyed reading them tremendously. It's amazing to me what you might read/share/write and learn about each other, that you wouldn't as quickly learn about someone in a conversation you might have in person. I'm a person who likes to know others story, and when telling my own, never knows how to use the few words allowed in a facebook update, thus, my blog.

I have loved finding the blogs of other moms of children with Down syndrome, especially those that homeschool. Other than online, I don't personally know anyone who homeschools their child with Down syndrome. Reading the blogs of others has encouraged me, given me specific, helpful, homeschooling ideas, and made me not feel alone in this journey. I have a special fondness for all people with Down syndrome. I have been amazed by that almost instant feeling of connection with their families.

I hope that by sharing my thoughts, someone else might feel encouraged, inspired, made to laugh, or just not feel alone in their journey.